It's great to read your weekly dispatches, especially this one. So many things are occurring in your life these days I see. I read where you're a bit apprehensive of being able to renew your visa. Just a fun fact: I would guess that the majority of our worries and concerns in life never ever tend to happen. My wife is like that and then I say: "See, everything worked out and you were worried for nothing". And I'll say it to you now Cait. You know my favourite motto: Don't sweat the small stuff because everything in life is just that: small stuff. Things will work out great, you'll see. Just take one day at a time. Also, I think that you'd really enjoy working in a book store. You're a people person and you love reading and would be great steering folks to find interesting reading material in a job like that. I hope you find something that will both interest and reward you.
As far as my plans for this weekend, the answer is definitely: 2 important occasions - today being Father's day here and this being our wedding anniversary. So lots going on today, my friend.
Enjoy your day and we'll chat here again soon. Take care.
I do know your favourite motto, friend. I don't actually know if it's a worry, though. It's more like... a sense of caution/preparedness. Like I start seeing everything through the lens of "but what if THIS happens?" I want to be prepared, because I find getting caught off-guard really triggering/destabilizing. And that's also the reality of the path I've chosen, right? It's POSSIBLE things won't stay how I want them to. Anyway. I hope you had a wonderful day celebrating both Father's Day and your anniversary!
So beautifully written Cait. It must be so unsettling being uncertain of your visa situation, particularly if you are finding roots. I think many of us are cautious these days but especially so for you.
My life is simple and weekend plans are writing, meeting a lovely friend with our dogs, and keeping cool with iced tea! 🤍
That sounds *so* lovely, Kate! TM and I went for a 2-hour walk along a beach about 45 mins away from us. It helped me process some of these feelings, and also just unwind/soak up some sun. Definitely worth the drive... ☀️
Thank you for your frank and thoughtful posts. I've moved constantly most of my life too, and have also wrestled my way through the UK immigration ordeal. To give you hope, I made it to citizenship, but it took a long time. We have very little money, but I paid a lawyer for one hour of her time and said, "In this one hour I need an exact list of the steps I need to take toward settlement/citizenship and what forms I need to fill out and what other hoops to jump through because I can't afford more than that" and she did! Of course once I got that citizenship I moved to France, where I am starting all over again. Sigh.
That DOES give me hope, Jennifer! And that's my plan for our call this Wednesday: to ask her a long list of questions, and for her very specific advice. I *think* I can apply for indefinite leave to remain (not just a visa renewal), which would be amazing. I don't even care about citizenship (at least not right now). I just want ILR, so I can stay and never have to think about this again! Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience! I'm sorry you're doing it all over again, but hope France feels like the right choice for you...?
Thank you for being honest about your anxiety. I read people’s writings online and always think if I only had it all figured out like they do! Thank you for showing us uncertainty in your own life and that we are not alone as we maybe worry about our own uncertainties. But I am sorry for the feeling of unsettledness! I get it!
It’s been a slower weekend that I spent in bed yesterday because the pace of life with dog sitting all of last week plus my full-time job and questions from when I used to hold a position have finally caught up with me. I’m not depressed. I just needed to rest and not feel guilty about it.
Today is Father’s Day and I am happily spending the day with my dad and mom and celebrating him. Mother’s Day was so special. I’m hoping the same for today! We head out to Florida together two weeks from today! They are paying for my room and I just have to pay for meals. Aren’t they the kindest?! We have come such a long way since I divorced and lived with them after that but am now back on my own.
Thanks for the permission to be reflective and think about where I am personally. It’s been a lot lately and I got out my journal Friday night and put it aside because I was feeling so sad. Also having to figure out some health things with lots of check-ups bringing things to the forefront today. It is good to know I need to do better at taking care of myself, right?! But it does bring anxiety as I have a list to discuss with my nurse practitioner on Tuesday. Thankful I took the day off!
Thanks again, sweet Cait, for your wonderful writings!!!
Sounds like there's a lot happening, but also that you have something really wonderful to look forward to, Heidi! I hope you enjoy your time away, when it comes! ☀️
I so enjoy reading your posts. And I so relate to your visiety! I also came to the UK on an ancestral visa. I used an immigration service for my peace of mind when I applied for permanent citizenship. I was so anxious that I would fill in the forms incorrectly and my life I had built up would all fall down. Good luck on your next step. I also long for a sense of connectedness (is that a word?) to this land. Unfortunately I am
Not in the financial position to buy a property. But I would love those kind of permanent roots.
Does that mean your application was successful? I don't want to assume ☺️ but that does give me hope. I feel confident I can fill things out... I just want a lawyer to basically tell me that YES I will qualify/should be able to get indefinite leave to remain. Because I think I can either apply for ILR OR just extend my visa. If I can get ILR, I want that (obviously).
Yes, I successfully got ILR then converted it to UK citizenship. My best recommendation is to make sure you have a spreadsheet of all your dates outside of the UK for the past 5 years.
I do have pen pals, about 8 regulars, and another 10 or so occasional (2x year) ones. Some I’ve been lucky enough to meet in person and we’ve forged real friendships. Some I’ve never met and wouldn’t recognise passing them on the street, but we share the most intimate thoughts of ourselves so in essence we know more about each other than our closest friends and family does. I think it’s sometimes easier to be vulnerable with someone at arms length.
Wowww, that's incredible to imagine, Bridget! Having pen pals you wouldn't even recognize on the street. I can't help but be curious: how did you find each other? ☺️
There are a few platforms for finding penpals. PostCrossing is an international post card one, and they feature annual meet ups. There are Letter Writing Societies in different cities, and various Stationery shops offer meet up/ penpal matching services. Facebook is a good place to find a group as well.
Hello Cait 👋🏼 Is duel citizenship something that you have thought about or are interested in? 🙂 I have no idea how all that works but maybe it is something that could possibly work for you. Sending hugs 🤗
Hiiiii friend! Maybe one day! For now, I am just hoping I can apply for their equivalent of becoming a permanent resident (meaning: no more visa renewals, I can just stay!). It gives you access to everything citizens can access, minus the ability to vote...
So happy you could say gb to Mark and tell him how important he was to you! My snail mail practice is strong! I regularly write and illustrate books and games for my little cousins in BC and their Mom is kind enough to send me the joy they experience unwrapping these snail mail treasures! I also send cards and little gifts all the time to my friends and family! It feels sad that the next generation might not be able to experience this simple joy!💌💌💌📪📪📪📫📫📫
Oh my gosh, friends and I were just talking about that over the weekend: what the future of snail mail might (or might not) look like... well, it sounds like you have some beautiful practices, friend! Keep them going, as long as that feels good/fun!
I related to many of your words here. Specifically around feeling unsettled and for me, sometimes unanchored... I've had an interesting relationship with homesickness and have some vivid memories from when I was young and more recently.
I can see you working at a bookshop! My dream is to one day work at a coffee shop/bookshop combo! And I'm so glad you were able to see Mark one more time. A nice reminder to let people know what they mean to us.
I am thinking of you. And oh! Happy Summer Solstice. ☀️✨️🩷🩷🩷
Ok, I'm FINALLY going to reply to your texts / send you a little audio today, friend... I wasn't sure if you'd be able to relate, but now I know you absolutely will. Thank you for sharing a little bit here. It's comforting to know you're not alone. Thinking of you too! See you on WhatsApp ❤️
Hi Cait. So eloquently written as always, (me not so much) I love reading your emails and I am sorry to hear of your anxiousness of being able to renew your visa in this little corner of the UK you now call home. I truly hope all goes well for you.
Your messages always make me feel reflective, but I already feel that way as I celebrate, is that the right word a work anniversary that I am most certainly grateful for, for what it has given me financially, for friendships made and a partner I would never be without and what my life may have been without any of them. I'm sure it could have been very different not in a good way and that makes me more determined to enjoy all I have.
This weekend was a visit to a local artisan market and a yoga class this morning as well as time working outside in the garden.
Hi Cait - long time reader here - I think I found you from the podcast you cohosted way back when 😍 I’ve never said hello but in the spirit of sharing when you think about someone, I just saw this and instantly thought of you https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cd0mlr14pd8o xx
Thanks Cait, it's always lovely to see a message from you in my inbox.
Although I can't relate to visa anxiety specifically, I have moved a similar amount of times (my record is 3 years living in one house in my lifetime), and I am familiar with the feeling of putting down roots while also being all too familiar with the twists and turns that life can bring.
Thanks for the reminder to sink into a sensory moment!
Ok, so we have a similar record, Estelle! I had one 10-year stretch at my dad's house, from ages 8-18. That was a stability I'd never had before, and really needed as a kid. But as an adult: same. Just over 3 years at The Lighthouse. I'm sure it's given us a lot of coping skills/strategies that can be helpful in many challenging situations... but also, I'd love to just STOP and STAY now, lol.
It is wild, unimaginable, and a true gift to have found each other and the shared, collective "home" through writing and the internet. I feel exactly the same way about being unsettled, but perhaps the first step is to be intentional and slow, and to allow ourselves to just "be". Of course, the practicalities are harder when you're face with visas, etc. but I think we can also trust that what's meant to be will somehow fall into place when we do move with intention. Thanks for the shoutout, friend!!
So Cait, you long for the time to be just settled.
I’ll tell you what happened to me recently here in BC. I had lost my drivers’ license and so went to replace it. Not a difficult process normally. This time however I got a letter saying they wanted to see a proof of citizenship. I moved to Canada in 1990 from Scotland. ‘Strange’, I thought. I became a citizen in 1995.
I was told a story about wanting to check that my names were correct….. this did not make sense to me and I got the feeling when I went along with my passport that nobody really understood why this was happening. Long story short they wanted to see to see my ancient nondigital citizenship card of more than half a lifetime ago! ….. so apparently one never belongs in Canada; one is always from “somewhere else”. The process appears to be much more difficult for people entering the UK than my own experience of the reverse process here in Canada, but that may also be a factor of the times we live in. Good luck with the paperwork. I have to say I loved your attempt at public vulnerability! Thanks for sharing, it brought a challenge to me.
Oh gosh... that sounds so confusing, Fiona! (And doesn't give me much hope, hahaha.) But I'm glad it was sorted!? That's a good reminder to never get rid of old documents. In the UK, they used to give BRP cards to newcomers but retired that system in 2024. I think I'll keep mine forever! Just in case!
My tiny plans to celebrate my partners birthday in our backyard have become large plans as I invited everyone we know- as is my habit. I’m already overwhelmed by what I’ve sone but I know that it will be a wonderful time in the end and I love having friends and family in my home.
Hi Cait!
It's great to read your weekly dispatches, especially this one. So many things are occurring in your life these days I see. I read where you're a bit apprehensive of being able to renew your visa. Just a fun fact: I would guess that the majority of our worries and concerns in life never ever tend to happen. My wife is like that and then I say: "See, everything worked out and you were worried for nothing". And I'll say it to you now Cait. You know my favourite motto: Don't sweat the small stuff because everything in life is just that: small stuff. Things will work out great, you'll see. Just take one day at a time. Also, I think that you'd really enjoy working in a book store. You're a people person and you love reading and would be great steering folks to find interesting reading material in a job like that. I hope you find something that will both interest and reward you.
As far as my plans for this weekend, the answer is definitely: 2 important occasions - today being Father's day here and this being our wedding anniversary. So lots going on today, my friend.
Enjoy your day and we'll chat here again soon. Take care.
I do know your favourite motto, friend. I don't actually know if it's a worry, though. It's more like... a sense of caution/preparedness. Like I start seeing everything through the lens of "but what if THIS happens?" I want to be prepared, because I find getting caught off-guard really triggering/destabilizing. And that's also the reality of the path I've chosen, right? It's POSSIBLE things won't stay how I want them to. Anyway. I hope you had a wonderful day celebrating both Father's Day and your anniversary!
So beautifully written Cait. It must be so unsettling being uncertain of your visa situation, particularly if you are finding roots. I think many of us are cautious these days but especially so for you.
My life is simple and weekend plans are writing, meeting a lovely friend with our dogs, and keeping cool with iced tea! 🤍
That sounds *so* lovely, Kate! TM and I went for a 2-hour walk along a beach about 45 mins away from us. It helped me process some of these feelings, and also just unwind/soak up some sun. Definitely worth the drive... ☀️
Thank you for your frank and thoughtful posts. I've moved constantly most of my life too, and have also wrestled my way through the UK immigration ordeal. To give you hope, I made it to citizenship, but it took a long time. We have very little money, but I paid a lawyer for one hour of her time and said, "In this one hour I need an exact list of the steps I need to take toward settlement/citizenship and what forms I need to fill out and what other hoops to jump through because I can't afford more than that" and she did! Of course once I got that citizenship I moved to France, where I am starting all over again. Sigh.
That DOES give me hope, Jennifer! And that's my plan for our call this Wednesday: to ask her a long list of questions, and for her very specific advice. I *think* I can apply for indefinite leave to remain (not just a visa renewal), which would be amazing. I don't even care about citizenship (at least not right now). I just want ILR, so I can stay and never have to think about this again! Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience! I'm sorry you're doing it all over again, but hope France feels like the right choice for you...?
Oh, how I love these entries!
Thank you for being honest about your anxiety. I read people’s writings online and always think if I only had it all figured out like they do! Thank you for showing us uncertainty in your own life and that we are not alone as we maybe worry about our own uncertainties. But I am sorry for the feeling of unsettledness! I get it!
It’s been a slower weekend that I spent in bed yesterday because the pace of life with dog sitting all of last week plus my full-time job and questions from when I used to hold a position have finally caught up with me. I’m not depressed. I just needed to rest and not feel guilty about it.
Today is Father’s Day and I am happily spending the day with my dad and mom and celebrating him. Mother’s Day was so special. I’m hoping the same for today! We head out to Florida together two weeks from today! They are paying for my room and I just have to pay for meals. Aren’t they the kindest?! We have come such a long way since I divorced and lived with them after that but am now back on my own.
Thanks for the permission to be reflective and think about where I am personally. It’s been a lot lately and I got out my journal Friday night and put it aside because I was feeling so sad. Also having to figure out some health things with lots of check-ups bringing things to the forefront today. It is good to know I need to do better at taking care of myself, right?! But it does bring anxiety as I have a list to discuss with my nurse practitioner on Tuesday. Thankful I took the day off!
Thanks again, sweet Cait, for your wonderful writings!!!
Sounds like there's a lot happening, but also that you have something really wonderful to look forward to, Heidi! I hope you enjoy your time away, when it comes! ☀️
I so enjoy reading your posts. And I so relate to your visiety! I also came to the UK on an ancestral visa. I used an immigration service for my peace of mind when I applied for permanent citizenship. I was so anxious that I would fill in the forms incorrectly and my life I had built up would all fall down. Good luck on your next step. I also long for a sense of connectedness (is that a word?) to this land. Unfortunately I am
Not in the financial position to buy a property. But I would love those kind of permanent roots.
Does that mean your application was successful? I don't want to assume ☺️ but that does give me hope. I feel confident I can fill things out... I just want a lawyer to basically tell me that YES I will qualify/should be able to get indefinite leave to remain. Because I think I can either apply for ILR OR just extend my visa. If I can get ILR, I want that (obviously).
Yes, I successfully got ILR then converted it to UK citizenship. My best recommendation is to make sure you have a spreadsheet of all your dates outside of the UK for the past 5 years.
I HAVE THIS! And thankfully, I've only done one trip per year, so it was really easy to keep track of those...
Lovely weekly missive Cait.
I do have pen pals, about 8 regulars, and another 10 or so occasional (2x year) ones. Some I’ve been lucky enough to meet in person and we’ve forged real friendships. Some I’ve never met and wouldn’t recognise passing them on the street, but we share the most intimate thoughts of ourselves so in essence we know more about each other than our closest friends and family does. I think it’s sometimes easier to be vulnerable with someone at arms length.
Wowww, that's incredible to imagine, Bridget! Having pen pals you wouldn't even recognize on the street. I can't help but be curious: how did you find each other? ☺️
There are a few platforms for finding penpals. PostCrossing is an international post card one, and they feature annual meet ups. There are Letter Writing Societies in different cities, and various Stationery shops offer meet up/ penpal matching services. Facebook is a good place to find a group as well.
I loved your book and am so glad I stumbled upon your mini memoirs. What a great way to continue to tell your story!
Hello Cait 👋🏼 Is duel citizenship something that you have thought about or are interested in? 🙂 I have no idea how all that works but maybe it is something that could possibly work for you. Sending hugs 🤗
Hiiiii friend! Maybe one day! For now, I am just hoping I can apply for their equivalent of becoming a permanent resident (meaning: no more visa renewals, I can just stay!). It gives you access to everything citizens can access, minus the ability to vote...
So happy you could say gb to Mark and tell him how important he was to you! My snail mail practice is strong! I regularly write and illustrate books and games for my little cousins in BC and their Mom is kind enough to send me the joy they experience unwrapping these snail mail treasures! I also send cards and little gifts all the time to my friends and family! It feels sad that the next generation might not be able to experience this simple joy!💌💌💌📪📪📪📫📫📫
Oh my gosh, friends and I were just talking about that over the weekend: what the future of snail mail might (or might not) look like... well, it sounds like you have some beautiful practices, friend! Keep them going, as long as that feels good/fun!
Friend!
I related to many of your words here. Specifically around feeling unsettled and for me, sometimes unanchored... I've had an interesting relationship with homesickness and have some vivid memories from when I was young and more recently.
I can see you working at a bookshop! My dream is to one day work at a coffee shop/bookshop combo! And I'm so glad you were able to see Mark one more time. A nice reminder to let people know what they mean to us.
I am thinking of you. And oh! Happy Summer Solstice. ☀️✨️🩷🩷🩷
Ok, I'm FINALLY going to reply to your texts / send you a little audio today, friend... I wasn't sure if you'd be able to relate, but now I know you absolutely will. Thank you for sharing a little bit here. It's comforting to know you're not alone. Thinking of you too! See you on WhatsApp ❤️
Hi Cait. So eloquently written as always, (me not so much) I love reading your emails and I am sorry to hear of your anxiousness of being able to renew your visa in this little corner of the UK you now call home. I truly hope all goes well for you.
Your messages always make me feel reflective, but I already feel that way as I celebrate, is that the right word a work anniversary that I am most certainly grateful for, for what it has given me financially, for friendships made and a partner I would never be without and what my life may have been without any of them. I'm sure it could have been very different not in a good way and that makes me more determined to enjoy all I have.
This weekend was a visit to a local artisan market and a yoga class this morning as well as time working outside in the garden.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts dear friend.
Tracey
Thank YOU for sharing a bit of what you're feeling grateful for/celebrating, Tracey! And your weekend sounds lovely ☺️
Hi Cait - long time reader here - I think I found you from the podcast you cohosted way back when 😍 I’ve never said hello but in the spirit of sharing when you think about someone, I just saw this and instantly thought of you https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cd0mlr14pd8o xx
Wow, those were the good old days! Thanks for finally saying hi! And you know me well! I love a good hedgehog story, hehe 🦔🦔🦔
Thanks Cait, it's always lovely to see a message from you in my inbox.
Although I can't relate to visa anxiety specifically, I have moved a similar amount of times (my record is 3 years living in one house in my lifetime), and I am familiar with the feeling of putting down roots while also being all too familiar with the twists and turns that life can bring.
Thanks for the reminder to sink into a sensory moment!
Ok, so we have a similar record, Estelle! I had one 10-year stretch at my dad's house, from ages 8-18. That was a stability I'd never had before, and really needed as a kid. But as an adult: same. Just over 3 years at The Lighthouse. I'm sure it's given us a lot of coping skills/strategies that can be helpful in many challenging situations... but also, I'd love to just STOP and STAY now, lol.
Seriously! lol
I bought my first home in January (as a single mum, what the heck?!) so I am hoping this is the beginning of a nice looooong stretch in one place!
Aww, I hope so too! And that's a huge milestone! ☺️
It is wild, unimaginable, and a true gift to have found each other and the shared, collective "home" through writing and the internet. I feel exactly the same way about being unsettled, but perhaps the first step is to be intentional and slow, and to allow ourselves to just "be". Of course, the practicalities are harder when you're face with visas, etc. but I think we can also trust that what's meant to be will somehow fall into place when we do move with intention. Thanks for the shoutout, friend!!
Thank YOU for the package! It was such a gift, friend! And I would never have guessed you feel unsettled. Might be the prompt for my reply mail... ☺️
So Cait, you long for the time to be just settled.
I’ll tell you what happened to me recently here in BC. I had lost my drivers’ license and so went to replace it. Not a difficult process normally. This time however I got a letter saying they wanted to see a proof of citizenship. I moved to Canada in 1990 from Scotland. ‘Strange’, I thought. I became a citizen in 1995.
I was told a story about wanting to check that my names were correct….. this did not make sense to me and I got the feeling when I went along with my passport that nobody really understood why this was happening. Long story short they wanted to see to see my ancient nondigital citizenship card of more than half a lifetime ago! ….. so apparently one never belongs in Canada; one is always from “somewhere else”. The process appears to be much more difficult for people entering the UK than my own experience of the reverse process here in Canada, but that may also be a factor of the times we live in. Good luck with the paperwork. I have to say I loved your attempt at public vulnerability! Thanks for sharing, it brought a challenge to me.
Oh gosh... that sounds so confusing, Fiona! (And doesn't give me much hope, hahaha.) But I'm glad it was sorted!? That's a good reminder to never get rid of old documents. In the UK, they used to give BRP cards to newcomers but retired that system in 2024. I think I'll keep mine forever! Just in case!
My tiny plans to celebrate my partners birthday in our backyard have become large plans as I invited everyone we know- as is my habit. I’m already overwhelmed by what I’ve sone but I know that it will be a wonderful time in the end and I love having friends and family in my home.
Aww, I hope it IS a lovely time! A lot of prep for a lot of fun ☺️