The liminal is limitless

The Moving Out Diaries: Vol. 3 📦

Hi friend,

I turned 40 on Monday and I danced by myself in the garden that afternoon. This isn’t a birthday post, but it’s also not not a birthday post. It’s an entry in my moving diaries, and it’s a little bit about my birthday. Because based on what’s been happening at The Lighthouse recently, I can’t seem to separate the two.

Like on Monday, when I found myself dancing in the garden. That wasn’t something I decided to do because it was my birthday. It came on the back of another decision, which was that I wanted to try working out outside. I had only thought of this a few days before, after walking around and realizing just how private my garden here really is. No one would be able to see me! I texted Sasha. “Literally no one!” she replied.

So on Monday, after coming home from my weekend getaway with Tall Man, I brought my phone (for YouTube) and water bottle outside, propped things up on a chair, and did an hour-long cardio workout in the sun. And when I was done, I turned on a video I’d saved the week before: shuffling for beginners.

I’ve been curious about shuffling for a while. I have NEVER been a dancer or taken a dance class or even attempted one single TikTok dance (maybe because I’ve also never had a TikTok account). I did, however, spend many weekends in my teens dancing at secret raves hidden deep in the woods while high on ecstasy lol. I can type “lol” and laugh about it now, because I’m 13 years sober and lived to tell these tales. I can also laugh because drunk/high Cait is the exact opposite of whatever my “brand” is. Can you even imagine hanging out with that version of me today!? I wouldn’t want to go back to those times, but I did love dancing for hours and hours… and shuffling feels like the closest thing to what we were doing at raves. Could I learn how to shuffle!? is a question I’ve been asking myself for a few weeks, especially after finding the Shuffle Mamas on Instagram and feeling so much joy just watching them! On my 40th birthday, I decided to try.

I don’t know how it looked, but I know how it felt: fun and free—especially doing it in the garden. And that wasn’t just true of the dancing, but the workout too. It was so much more energizing in the sun! Why have I never done this before!? It’s a tough question to ask yourself, when you’re coming to the end of a chapter in your life. It has the potential to fill you with regrets. But I think I want to bring a version of this question with me into the future…

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If you’re new here: hi, my name is Cait. I’m 39 years old (just turned 40!) and I’ve moved 31 times in my life. My last move was into my first home in the UK, which I named The Lighthouse. I’ve lived here for over 3 years, which is the longest I’ve stayed anywhere as an adult. I love this house and love the version of myself I became here. (I love it so much, I named my newsletter after it!) It’s simply time for a new chapter. Before I start writing that one, I want to close my chapter at The Lighthouse with intention. I don’t want to rush towards what’s in front of me. I want to reflect on all this house meant to me, and do this 32nd move slowly… and document it too.

Welcome to The Moving Out Diaries. This is Volume 3: The liminal is limitless.