Hi friend,
Up until 2024, I was a card-carrying member of the NSSWC: the Never Seen Star Wars Club. Truthfully, I haven’t seen most movies (or many TV shows, for that matter). But Star Wars is a cultural phenomenon, and is one of the highest-grossing media franchises in history. It feels safe to assume that most people have watched at least one of the films, and many of those people have watched them all. I just wasn’t one of them.
I hadn’t seen Star Wars, but I still knew a few things about it, because that’s what happens when you’re in pop culture. You can find references to Star Wars everywhere. In other movies, TV shows, video games, song lyrics, and so on. I knew who Chewy was and what he sounded like. I knew who Luke’s father was. And thanks to Friends, I knew Ross (and perhaps “real” men?) had always fantasized about Princess Leia in “the” gold bikini. Had I ever seen that scene or the infamous gold bikini? No, but I could use my imagination.
And, I did. Well… kind of.
What I imagined is that I wouldn’t like Star Wars. Based on the little snippets I saw, I told myself the story that it “wasn’t for me.” And I never even thought about watching it. I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything either, to be fair. Nobody in my family watched Star Wars. None of my friends seemed into it. I don’t even remember my high school boyfriends caring much about it. Maybe Star Wars wasn’t a big thing for any of my people? I don’t know. I just knew it “wasn’t for me.”
I was 40 years old when I realized I’ve never been really “into” anything. I’ve never bought and read the new book in a series on publication day. Never stood in line to see every new movie in a trilogy on opening night/weekend. Never had a music artist I liked so much that I saw them every time they came to my city. There were a few things I liked as a kid, and some network TV shows and artists I kept up with in my teens and early 20s. But I can’t remember being a die hard FAN of something, especially as an adult.
I don’t know the exact “why” behind this… and that’s one of the things I’d like to reflect on this year. I think there have been times when I’ve judged whatever was in pop culture. Where I didn’t want to like what everyone else liked, and wanted to be different in some way. (Was this part of the “be the cool girl” messaging we got in the 90s?)
But there have also been times when I didn’t think my own taste was cool enough—usually when I compared it to whatever a boy was interested in. So I would hide what I liked from them, and just do whatever they wanted to. (I could eye roll at my younger self, but I imagine this is a relatable experience for many… especially us recovering co-dependents!)
I think there’s more to this, of course. You can always find a deeper reason, when you start exploring within. I think there’s something about trust under it all. Something about vulnerability. And something about being afraid to be witnessed. I’ve never proudly let myself be seen or known for having any special or unique interests (perhaps, outside of hedgehogs? lol). For really liking or LOVING something! And I’ve always been afraid to share my reviews and opinions. What am I afraid will happen? I’m not sure…
As a result, though, one thing has happened: I don’t really know what my own taste is. So at 40, I’m sending myself on a little quest to discover it! And I’m starting with books!
Long-time readers will know: the one thing I have always loved is books. My mom said I was reading by age 4, and I’ve never stopped. But my relationship with books got complicated in my early 20s, probably around the same time I was finishing college and starting my career. For 10+ years, I mostly bought books I thought I “should” read. The self-help and nonfiction that might help me personally and help inform my writing too.
If you read THE YEAR OF LESS, you know I also used to buy books for other versions of myself. The books I thought would make me look more interesting or informed. The ones that a “respected” writer would read. Not surprisingly, they sat on my shelves and collected dust. I decluttered them all, and am grateful I can say: I learned that lesson. I do not buy books for a fictional version of myself I think I should become. I buy them for who I am today.
But for the first few years after the shopping ban, I still continued to largely read nonfiction. I did not read for fun (fiction). I read for work. And it felt like work. I was finally able to name this in 2020, and have slowly started reading more and more fiction over the last six years. (Probably since starting to read middle grade. Maybe that’s a special interest I’m becoming known for?) And last year, only 8% of what I read was nonfiction!
But here’s what I’ve been noticing more recently, friend: I stay on top of enough publishing news/newsletters, have enough bookish friends, etc. that I hear about + see countless books every day. And I look at a lot of them and think: “not for me.” This is a story I’ve told myself about so many things, over the years. A story that, I am now realizing, is filled with assumptions—and judgments too. And the only “goal” or “resolution” I have for 2026 is that I’d like to challenge it. To pay attention to my thoughts and take a deeper look at why I skip over these books. What assumptions do I make? What judgments do I have about the book or the genre its in? And then I’m going to read some of these books and share what I discover on the other side!
I typically try to avoid setting any “goals” around my reading, because I don’t ever want it to feel like work again. But I’ve created what feels like a unique reading challenge for myself for 2026. I’ll tell you more about what this is going to look like in a few days! (I’m currently trying to edit down that post because it’s gotten HUGE, haha.)
For now, I just want to say that I’m entering this new year feeling energized and curious! I’m curious to learn more about some of the books and genres I typically skip over… but I’m also curious (and hopeful!) that I might actually find something new that I LOVE. And perhaps even become a die hard fan of.
Because here’s what surprised me most over the holidays, friend: Tall Man and I finished the last two Star Wars movies and I really liked them. It took us ~18 months, but I have finally seen all nine of the “trilogy of trilogies.” And in the days since, I’ve found myself thinking… I kind of want to rewatch some of them. And soon.
Maybe it “wasn’t for me” when I was younger. But I like it now!
And I wonder what else that might be true for?
xx Cait
PS - I think you know I’m not normally a fan of resolutions or starting anything new on January 1st. I believe in beginning when it feels right, which is what’s true of this reading challenge. But if you’re looking for inspiration on how to have more FUN this year, I loved this list!
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I kind of did this with the Beatles as I watched Get Back and then realised I didn't know enough of their story and knew lots of their songs but more as just songs that were always there and not something I'd intentionally listen to. Cut to me spending the next 2 years reading, listening to all the albums and tons of podcasts, watching loads of Beatles films/docs, and even going to see Paul McCartney live! It's fun to be a fan and I hope you find something that you can deep dive into
Friend!
One of my absolute favourite things is getting really excited and obsessed about something. I'm excited to see how this unfolds for you!
The thought and care you put into your writing is really beautiful. I can feel the emotions as I read it. Such lovely reflections. 🩷🩷🩷