Chapter 5: November

Learning about the importance of averages

Hi friend,

I woke up last Thursday (June 27th) and was afraid to get out of bed. Not again, I thought. I don’t want to deal with this again.

An old back/spinal issue of mine had flared up in the night. I don’t like talking about specific medical issues online, only so as not to seek attention or get advice that doesn’t feel right for the situation. (Anything related to your spine is scary enough!) What I will say is that it’s not a new one for me. I’ve worked with physiotherapists on it a handful of times, over the years. I’d actually just had a flare-up in March. For the past three months, I’ve done everything I needed to do to support the issue, and was finally feeling ok and in a good rhythm with workouts too… and then I woke up last Thursday in the same pain again.

I cried when I told a friend. I cried when I cancelled plans with Tall Man, knowing I shouldn’t drive. I cried because I felt afraid and sad… and deflated. I had just spent three months trying to heal this issue. Would this flare-up wipe out all my progress? Would I have to start all over again?

Still, I got up and went through the steps. Ice. Ibuprofen. Physio stretches/exercises. Walk. Ice. Ibuprofen. Physio. Walk. That’s been my job since last Thursday (though I don’t need ice or painkillers anymore). I have not been on my laptop. I have not been writing (which is why this is coming to you a week later than planned, my apologies) or working on my book proposal. My job has been: reduce inflammation, engage muscles, and keep blood flowing. And it’s working. I’m feeling ~75% better. The last 25% is more of a long-haul (6-12 weeks) but I can do more of what I want to now. I’m even sleeping ok.

Yes, this flare-up does mean I’ll have to take a step back from some things. Yes, it means I’ll have to put most of the workout plan I’d just created for myself aside. Yes, it means I can’t do everything I want to. (It also means I have to think about my posture 24/7.) And yes, I feel frustrated about this, at times. I won’t deny that. But I can’t see it as a defeat. Instead, I’m choosing to see it as the next challenge to focus on. To learn more about my body, and to strengthen the muscle groups that need the most attention and will best support my spine. I am not defeated. I just have a new goal. One that could potentially help me forever, if I work on it now.

A younger version of myself wouldn’t have seen it this way. I would’ve seen any slip or bump in the road of my plans as a reason to quit. To go back to my old ways, and not bother with whatever I’d set out to do (like my weekly writing and my new workout plan). I would’ve considered this a failure and, in turn, seen myself as the failure. And we know nothing good comes from shaming yourself…

Thankfully, the lesson I learned in chapter 5 of THE YEAR OF LESS changed how I experience these setbacks forever.