I want a year of more

Because the answer is *not* always less

Hi friend,

Normally, this time of year, I’m anxious to log off the internet. To take a break from my newsletter, and avoid social media for a few weeks. Get some perspective, and come back when I feel ready for the new year—which is usually about mid-January. But it is not a normal year.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been sick for most of the past two months. Caught some kind of chest thing in October, got *this close* to being done coughing and feeling fully healthy again, then woke up on December 2nd with the flu and a new cough. This f*cking cough that I just cannot get rid of, no matter what I try! 🤬

Maybe it’s because of that, and because of how exhausting it is to fight off viruses, and because of all the rain that has kept us mostly indoors since October… but I am crawling out of my skin with boredom right now. I am READY for a new year. Ready for something… anything… MORE than this!

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I looked at my annual spending last week and felt surprisingly good about the numbers. My housing costs have gone way down, since Tall Man and I moved in together (I’ve already saved £3,000/$4,000 USD/$5,500 CAD). The amount I was able to invest went up, as a result. The amount I spent on “shopping” dropped by 40%, and I still feel as though I got everything I wanted this year!

But there was one number that didn’t feel good: how little I spent on travel with TM. We went on two weekend getaways, and took the kids down to London for a handful of days. We also went on two quick trips for running events he had. These are all different experiences, but not exactly holidays. And I want a holiday with my man! 😍

I highlighted the total amount we spent on those two weekend getaways and wrote “WANT TO SPEND MORE” in all caps next to it. Then I looked through all my spending categories and asked myself if I wanted to change any other numbers next year. I didn’t want to spend less on anything (other than maybe car maintenance lol). But I did want to spend more on a few categories.

And that’s what sparked this idea.

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I’ve started seeing the usual posts about how/why many people want next year to be a year of less. Less shopping and less drinking. Less social media and time spent online overall. Less work, fewer commitments, and less stress. I obviously understand this. It’s just not the place I’m in right now. I read one post saying the writer wanted to subtract things from their life, not add. And that couldn’t have felt further from what I’m craving.

Over the last 10+ years, I have slowed my life down SO much, you could never say I am busy. Some of that has been for my mental health. Some of it has been the result of moving to a new country and not having many local friends (still) or a professional network. Some of it has come from choosing to live in the middle of nowhere and not having easy access to many work or cultural events. Some of it has been financial, because I didn’t earn much the first few years I was living here and simply couldn’t afford to do “more” things. And I don’t know this for sure, but I’m curious if some of it is also a lingering impact of the pandemic—where staying home became the easiest and most comforting thing to do.

I might be eating my words later, but I’m going to dare to say: I actually want to be busier than I am. I want to plan and book more vacations in advance. I want more friend dates in the calendar (and um, maybe more friends?). I want more things in the calendar and more to look forward to, period! I want to go to more bookish events. I want to go to more cultural events. I even want to go to more work-related events/commitments. I want to go hiking A LOT more than I did this year. I want to go see friends in London. And I want to FINALLY take advantage of living so close to the continent. Outside of the UK, the only other European country I have been to is France—and that was in 2019. I want to change that in 2026. I want to do a lot of things in 2026.

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2025 has been a big year, in its own way. I turned 40. I moved out of my first real home in the UK. TM and I moved in together, and started figuring out how we are going to do life together. And that includes two kids. This is big stuff! A massive life change. It has kept my mind busy and engaged. And there’s always going to be things for us to do/work on here…

But before we moved in together, I told TM that my biggest fear is I would lose myself to being in a family. Because I know how easy it is to put other people first. I know how easy it is to put your needs and wants last. I lived that way for so long, I didn’t even know who I was or what I liked. Just went along with what other people needed or wanted. But I eventually got out of those dynamics—and quit drinking too. I mention that part only because I know how much time and money I got back, on the other side of that decision. Time and money to spend on new things.

That was 13 years ago. I’ve spent most of the last 13 years figuring out who I am and what I enjoy—and persistently (you could even say: stubbornly) trying to live in alignment with my values. Slowing down and cutting back on commitments was once one of those values. And now, I’d like to start adding some things back to my life again—alongside my new partnership and family.

I want a year of more, friend.

And I’m starting now—not waiting until January 1st.

The first thing I did was message Sasha and ask if we could finally put a date in the calendar for something we’ve been wanting to do together. I suggested a weekend in June. She said absolutely. Then I told her I put a note in my calendar to message her on Valentine’s Day, so we can book tickets a few month’s in advance. Two things to look forward to!

I also asked TM if we could prioritize going on a good walk/hike together every month. We put a recurring date in the calendar for every 4 weeks, starting January 3rd. Thirteen things to look forward to!

Then together, we came up with the idea of creating a date jar and filling it with specific things we want to do together. We already prioritize date nights, but this could help us be more intentional about what we do—and maybe prompt us to try some new things, too. We’re going to start working on that next week…

Knowing me, I suspect this is something I’ll write more about next year—but will leave it there for now. I’ve planted the seed. And I don’t expect many other people will be wanting more in 2026. But if you’re one of them, I’d love to hear from you! And I’d love to know: what do you want MORE of?

xx Cait