It's a beautiful day to make friends
Moments from my wild and more expensive life (March 8-14)
Hi friend! If you’re new here: most weeks, I send out a little dispatch from my daily life in the UK. It’s a collection of stories and things I’ve noticed—at home, in books, on my walks, in the world, and within myself. I send them all from The Lighthouse. My hope is they feel reflective and calming, and inspire you to notice more in your own life. Writing them certainly helps me notice more in mine… 🕯
March 8, 2025
It’s 9:55am and I’ve made my first coffee of the day. It looks so perfect, I decide to take a picture and send it to a friend. Good morning! I might get a few minutes to myself at Tall Man’s, before little feet come downstairs. I sit in the living room and chat with the cat. (Yes, I talk to her like a human. You should know this about me by now!) We spend a lot of time together on this couch, but our morning chats are my favourite. She ditches me to sprawl out on the rug and soak up the sun. I’m good at slow mornings, but she’s better.
March 9, 2025
I leave TM’s house to go for a walk by myself. It’s not even noon and it’s already 15°C/59°F (!!!) and sunny. People think England is only grey and wet, but I find the weather is actually different every day (and sometimes changes many times throughout the day). This past fall and winter were actually pretty sunny! But it has been cold for many months now, and it’s due to return. So the lesson I’ve learned about living here is: when it’s warm, GO OUTSIDE.
The route I’m on will take about an hour. Twenty minutes in, I stop to sit on a bench and feel the sun on my face. I don’t do much in terms of guided meditation, but I know how to do this. I only stay for 1-2 minutes, and it’s enough.
I keep going until I reach a gate, then open it to go see the big piggy that lives around the corner. If you snort at her, she typically snorts back. (I’ll let you imagine how I learned that.) But today, she’s laying down and ignores me. “You’re bacon in the sun!” I yell out, then laugh and cringe at my own dad joke. When I turn around, I see a bench in the distance I haven’t noticed before. A woman is sitting on it, reading a book. That’s a great idea, I think. A seed has been planted.
On the walk back, I see a horse laying in a field. Also soaking up the sun? It stands out as something I don’t see often, and I hope it’s enjoying itself. Then a little doggy runs up to me, one I’ve seen a few times before.
“Sorry, she wants to be friends with everybody!” her owner says to me.
“Well, it’s a beautiful day to make friends!” I reply, speaking directly to the dog.
March 10, 2025
I drive home in the morning, then open my car door and realize I can see my breath. It’s 3°C/37°F (and feels like it’s below freezing). I’m so glad I got outside for a couple walks this weekend.
Monday is largely a life/work admin day. When I finally sit at my desk and check my email, I see two new emails from my internet provider + local council. This time every year, all my housing costs go up. I got the notice about my water bill last month. Today, internet and council/property taxes (which, fun fact for North Americans, you have to pay as a renter in the UK). I’m guessing I’ll hear about rent next…
I also got two rejections from random jobs I applied to last month. I’ll hear about the one I interviewed for next week.
March 11, 2025
I’m sitting on the couch, having my morning coffee, texting a friend. I’ve made a decision I didn’t even know I was trying to make. About something I’ve been struggling with for months, maybe years, but thought I had to work through (aka push through). This morning, I suddenly realized… I could just not do that thing. I could let it go. I send her two messages: what I don’t want to do, and what I want to do instead. I feel a little bit afraid, but mostly I feel calm. I think about a quote I heard on a podcast once: “Every truth makes you relax and every lie makes you tense.”1 I am very relaxed right now.
March 12, 2025
I’m back on the couch, having my morning coffee, watching a recording of this conversation between Ann Patchett and Kate DiCamillo. I quickly realize this has the potential to be a masterclass from two incredible authors and grab my notebook. During the Q&A, an attendee asks Kate what her advice is for aspiring writers. I can feel Kate’s reply in my bones. As I write it down, I start sobbing.
March 13, 2025
When will I learn to not check my email until I’m done writing? The final notice of any potential housing costs increases is in: my rent is going up in May. In total, all of my housing costs are going up £60/month ($77 USD/$111 CAD). Sixty doesn’t look like a huge number on a monthly basis, but that’s £720/year ($930 USD/$1,335 CAD). The cost of a flight home to Canada.
I also got two more rejections from jobs I’ve applied to. So that’s 4 rejections this week. I decide to check the job boards and apply to 1 more.
I manage to have an amazing writing day, then decide I’m done with my laptop and go for a walk in the sun. It’s cold out, but the sun is warm on my face. I’m listening to a podcast, but am going down a quiet path and can hear the most beautiful birdsong. Where is it coming from? I wonder, then look up and see a UK robin in a tree. I have a resident robin in my garden, whose name just had to be Christopher. I see him many times a day, but somehow haven’t heard his song—at least not enough to recognize and identify it’s him. Is this what he sounds like!?
March 14, 2025
I finish and publish a new dispatch, then realize I could’ve added a detail—about why I started reading middle grade novels in 2020, and what genre(s) of adult fiction I don’t read anymore. Because I was an adult with adult problems, and I couldn’t keep reading books that were about more adult problems. So anything that feels even remotely realistic (for me as an adult) is out.
More recently, I’ve also noticed I can’t seem to engage with books that include unhealthy relationships, specifically unhealthy sexual relationships. Not because I’m prudish. It’s more of a… been there, done that, don’t find it fun to read about!?
A couple recent examples for me: ALL FOURS by Miranda July. I almost quit this around page 30. In the end, I chose to finish it and was impressed by how the topic of perimenopause was included, but I felt uncomfortable reading many parts. It did not feel like a fun or expressive experience for the protagonist. She mostly felt sad and lonely and lost. I don’t want to read and feel sad/lonely/lost.
And you might remember I bought MARGO’S GOT MONEY TROUBLES for myself for Christmas? So many people told me they loved it, but I couldn’t finish that either. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad book, it’s just not for me!
This wasn’t always true, though. I’m reminded of the book THREE WOMEN, which I couldn’t put down when I first read it (2019). I remember reading Roxane Gay’s review—one word: “NOPE”—and thinking wow, I totally disagree!!! Then in 2021, I tried to read the author’s second book ANIMAL and had to quit on page 3. I then tried to revisit THREE WOMEN and couldn’t do it.
I simply cannot seem to engage with books that are about realistic adult problems, especially unhealthy (sexual) relationships. It doesn’t do it for me. That realization is what sparked the idea to visit the middle grade section at the library during the pandemic… and I’ve been reading them ever since!
Anyway, I did not include any of these thoughts in that dispatch, but I’m writing them now—and will share them with you this weekend.
While I’ve been writing, I’ve been distracted many times by the sight of my little friend outside the window. Christopher Robin is here. He’s not making any noise. Not calling or singing. But I see him. Tilting his head from side-to-side, perhaps wondering if more bird seed mix will appear anytime soon…
It’s coming, friend.
What have you noticed in your part of the world this week, friend?
xx Cait
I think it was Martha Beck? But I can’t remember which podcast.
Your writing always feels like I’m reading something a friend sent me. It’s how I felt about your podcast, like I was getting updates from a friend. Lovely.
I could hardly stand All Fours. It felt like climbing into a very disturbed mind, did not enjoy, could not look away. I like the suggestion of reading things that uplift. I’m writing to the hole in my heart right now and it’s leaving me very, very raw. Some of my writing (about getting sober from cannabis) has gotten some attention here on Substack, and it’s lovely and raw and hard and I feel like I might be helping people and it’s still so hard, and thanks for sharing your voice.
Totally understand about not being able to read certain books anymore because of its content. I am like that as well, but also with films and television shows. These things that I may have been able to watch in my 20’s, are a hard no in my 40’s.