A beautiful and very honest narrative of your life Louise and the deeply hard feelings that you've shared with us in being infertile and how it's affected your friendships over the years. Being a male I am certainly in no position to relate to what you describe but being a parent I do wonder if you had ever considered adoption instead or by having a baby by surrogate with your husband.
Hi Rob, thanks for the comment and for reading my piece. I really appreciate your kind words on it! As for other options, I think anyone on this path has thought about ALL the options in order to get off the path as soon as possible. But none of these options are easy and come with their own complexities. I don't tend to talk about the specifics of my journey or where I am because it's not only my story to tell. I intentionally stick to the feelings I have around it and how it impacts my own life in myriad ways. Thanks again! x
Such a beautiful and meaningful reflection. I really feel moved by the peace that I feel from your writing. You have helped me reflect on my own friendships and the contentment I find just by honouring myself and being present for what life has given me. I have been fortunate to find lovely friends on my life's journey. Not all friendships have endured and that is ok. There are many chapters I have yet to read in my story and I look forward to meeting these new characters too. Thank you for such an insightful peek into what is surely not easy.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Michelle. I love what you say - we have yet to read some chapters of our lives and who knows what characters we will meet in those! That's such a lovely way to think about it. I'm really glad you liked the piece and were able to take something from it. x
Thank you for sharing. While I can’t relate to the dreams of children, I am a child free woman (by choice) surrounded by friends with children. I have learned to embrace the kids, embrace their mess, and meet those friends where they are. I’ve also experienced that ebb and flow of friendships, and been the one to desperately hold on to friends that weren’t holding on - because friendship is for life, right? It’s a lesson in life - not everything stays, and that is okay. I wish you the best as we BOTH hit our 40th. 🥂❤️
Ah Heather, I hear you! Thanks so much for your comment. I do feel that I have been able to embrace the kids of some friends, I see it as a chance to be auntie again, and it's easier when they're older than as babies. But you're so right - nothing is for life, not even friendships. I'm really bad at managing change so no doubt this is why I have struggled with changing friendships! x
Really appreciate the reflections and vulnerability in this share.ive sent this on to a friend who will deeply resonate with the journey of infertility and the added impact that has on friendships, baby showers etc. also subscribed because the not so often talked about and taboo subjects are what I want to hear more about so great to find that connection here.
Amber! That's so kind of you to send my piece on to your friend. I really hope she finds something in it that helps her. It can be a lonely place to be and you feel like the only one going through it (as with many things in life). It's partly why I feel called to write about these topics - if it helps one person feel less alone, then it's worth it. x
She loved it! And deeply resonates with a lot of what you say and shared. It’s a great and worthy and much needed topic to be writing about. Now more than ever x
This was such an honest, beautiful and vulnerable read. Thank you for sharing it wish us.
I relate very much to the feelings expressed in this writing and have dealt with similar changes in friendships. These happened for me primarily around big grief and big loss. Within my groups of friends, I am the only one that is single and childless (not so much by choice) so I often feel like the odd woman out.
Thank you so much again for sharing, and for making me feel seen through your writing. Happy 40th. 🩷🩷🩷
Hi Anna-Maria, thanks for your comment and love on the post! Really appreciate that. It's so hard, isn't it - when you are going through one type of loss and grief, in comes another one. For me, I didn't realise the friendship changes were a grief at first. It does help when I acknowledge it as that, but it's a very complex place to be and we're not taught how to manage these changes. Sending much love, and thanks for the pre-birthday wishes! x
Thank you so much for this Louise. I really think we don’t explore friendship the way we should. We don’t discuss the joy and pain and evolution of it. We don’t have words for the loss of friendships. I am childless by choice and while our lives without children are very different, I have lost friends/been excluded because of this. Very different journeys have had us on similar paths. May you find the friends you need now. Take care
Exactly that, Kristen! We aren’t taught how to manage friendship loss. We know more about romantic relationships than we do platonic ones, but they’re just as important. I know I’ve felt shame from having friendship changes. Our identity is often tied up in friendships too so we can feel like we’ve lost a piece of ourselves as well as our friend, and it’s hard to find out who we are without that friendship. Thanks so much for your comment, I really appreciate it and I’m glad the piece resonates with you even though we have slightly different experiences to bring us there. x
I literally could have written this, this is me. I couldn’t have articulated it better myself. Thank you for getting this out into the world. I feel like I’ve connected in a time when I feel like I’m on a desert island surrounded by a sea of decisions and feelings that are overwhelming.
Where can I find Louise Lewis? Is she here on Substack?
Thank you, Beth. I'm sorry if you're also on a similar path - it's not easy! I'm so glad you found some comfort in my piece though. x
A beautiful and very honest narrative of your life Louise and the deeply hard feelings that you've shared with us in being infertile and how it's affected your friendships over the years. Being a male I am certainly in no position to relate to what you describe but being a parent I do wonder if you had ever considered adoption instead or by having a baby by surrogate with your husband.
Hi Rob, thanks for the comment and for reading my piece. I really appreciate your kind words on it! As for other options, I think anyone on this path has thought about ALL the options in order to get off the path as soon as possible. But none of these options are easy and come with their own complexities. I don't tend to talk about the specifics of my journey or where I am because it's not only my story to tell. I intentionally stick to the feelings I have around it and how it impacts my own life in myriad ways. Thanks again! x
Such a beautiful and meaningful reflection. I really feel moved by the peace that I feel from your writing. You have helped me reflect on my own friendships and the contentment I find just by honouring myself and being present for what life has given me. I have been fortunate to find lovely friends on my life's journey. Not all friendships have endured and that is ok. There are many chapters I have yet to read in my story and I look forward to meeting these new characters too. Thank you for such an insightful peek into what is surely not easy.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Michelle. I love what you say - we have yet to read some chapters of our lives and who knows what characters we will meet in those! That's such a lovely way to think about it. I'm really glad you liked the piece and were able to take something from it. x
Thank you for sharing. While I can’t relate to the dreams of children, I am a child free woman (by choice) surrounded by friends with children. I have learned to embrace the kids, embrace their mess, and meet those friends where they are. I’ve also experienced that ebb and flow of friendships, and been the one to desperately hold on to friends that weren’t holding on - because friendship is for life, right? It’s a lesson in life - not everything stays, and that is okay. I wish you the best as we BOTH hit our 40th. 🥂❤️
Ah Heather, I hear you! Thanks so much for your comment. I do feel that I have been able to embrace the kids of some friends, I see it as a chance to be auntie again, and it's easier when they're older than as babies. But you're so right - nothing is for life, not even friendships. I'm really bad at managing change so no doubt this is why I have struggled with changing friendships! x
Really appreciate the reflections and vulnerability in this share.ive sent this on to a friend who will deeply resonate with the journey of infertility and the added impact that has on friendships, baby showers etc. also subscribed because the not so often talked about and taboo subjects are what I want to hear more about so great to find that connection here.
Amber! That's so kind of you to send my piece on to your friend. I really hope she finds something in it that helps her. It can be a lonely place to be and you feel like the only one going through it (as with many things in life). It's partly why I feel called to write about these topics - if it helps one person feel less alone, then it's worth it. x
She loved it! And deeply resonates with a lot of what you say and shared. It’s a great and worthy and much needed topic to be writing about. Now more than ever x
Thank you for sharing Amber, this was a much needed read. There’s a level of love sharing writing that resonates and I feel that 💚
This was such an honest, beautiful and vulnerable read. Thank you for sharing it wish us.
I relate very much to the feelings expressed in this writing and have dealt with similar changes in friendships. These happened for me primarily around big grief and big loss. Within my groups of friends, I am the only one that is single and childless (not so much by choice) so I often feel like the odd woman out.
Thank you so much again for sharing, and for making me feel seen through your writing. Happy 40th. 🩷🩷🩷
Hi Anna-Maria, thanks for your comment and love on the post! Really appreciate that. It's so hard, isn't it - when you are going through one type of loss and grief, in comes another one. For me, I didn't realise the friendship changes were a grief at first. It does help when I acknowledge it as that, but it's a very complex place to be and we're not taught how to manage these changes. Sending much love, and thanks for the pre-birthday wishes! x
Thank you so much for this Louise. I really think we don’t explore friendship the way we should. We don’t discuss the joy and pain and evolution of it. We don’t have words for the loss of friendships. I am childless by choice and while our lives without children are very different, I have lost friends/been excluded because of this. Very different journeys have had us on similar paths. May you find the friends you need now. Take care
Exactly that, Kristen! We aren’t taught how to manage friendship loss. We know more about romantic relationships than we do platonic ones, but they’re just as important. I know I’ve felt shame from having friendship changes. Our identity is often tied up in friendships too so we can feel like we’ve lost a piece of ourselves as well as our friend, and it’s hard to find out who we are without that friendship. Thanks so much for your comment, I really appreciate it and I’m glad the piece resonates with you even though we have slightly different experiences to bring us there. x
I literally could have written this, this is me. I couldn’t have articulated it better myself. Thank you for getting this out into the world. I feel like I’ve connected in a time when I feel like I’m on a desert island surrounded by a sea of decisions and feelings that are overwhelming.
Where can I find Louise Lewis? Is she here on Substack?
I found the answer to my own questions! Thank you again for both of you for sharing this with the world!