Am I British now?

What happened at The Lighthouse in January ❄️

A rare glimpse inside these walls—January 2025

Hi friend,

I have decided to start a new monthly series here. Last year, I was writing one where I largely shared links to all the content I consumed and anything I bought. In 2025, I’d like to do something a little different. I don’t want to just write about the “what” of what I do. I want to write about the where. I’ve spent so much of my life moving around… now, I’m trying to stay in one place. Building a life and a home. I want to write about that, and what it means to me, and how it feels.

The Lighthouse contains 6 rooms. Downstairs, there’s the kitchen, the dining room/office, and the living room. Upstairs, there’s my room, the guest room, and the bathroom. Plus, the garden—7 spaces in total. At the end of every month, I’m going to pick 2-3 of those spaces and share some stories from them. Instead of light housekeeping, we could call it Lighthouse-keeping. A log of events that took place in and around The Lighthouse.

What happened in January? Well, let me tell you…

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It was definitely winter

In a way, there’s not much to report from inside. It was a quiet month, a slow start to a new year. The most significant events in January—the ones that changed the landscapes and daily life, even if only briefly—took place outside these walls. Yes, I’m talking about the weather. I’m starting with the weather, because that’s what people do in the UK. They also know this, and will even poke fun at themselves for it. But January marked three years since I left Canada and immigrated, and I’m always trying to integrate further into my life here. So, this feels like a very good place to start.

Ok, in all seriousness, weather was a hot topic because it was so cold and then so windy, you couldn’t not talk about it!

The start of the month saw a brief dump of snow (a little over a foot in one day) followed by a partial melt, and then a week of below-freezing temperatures (-9°C/16°F). This left the sidewalks (and my back patio) covered in a thick layer of ice for a week, which made for some interesting walks (very slow, all on the road, and dodging cars every few minutes). The best thing that happened that week was on day one, when one of the young boys who lives next door knocked on my door and asked in his cute little accent if I’d like him to shovel my drive(way). Of course, I said yes! Then gave him the few pounds I had in my wallet, which his grandma later told me was “the highlight of his day.” You and me both, kid!

Then last week, we were hit by the remnants of Storm Éowyn, which battered Ireland before coming over here. It only lasted for one day, but the wind gusts neared hurricane speeds (115kmh/70mph, and I think the hurricane range starts at 74!?) and it definitely caused some damage. When I woke up the next morning, I walked over to the small window at the top of the stairs. My porthole out to the world. The first thing I noticed was how dirty the glass was. Like a ship being tossed around in the waves, it looked like the house was covered in sea spray. That image is what first made me think about writing this monthly newsletter… rather than just looking out, what could I report from the inside?

When I went downstairs, I looked out another window and noticed the small fence between me and one of my neighbours was down. The North American in me wanted to walk over and ask how we might handle it. The British-influenced me decided to simply prop it up and let it go unspoken. I’m sure we’ll talk about it… one day. When I walked around the back to put some bird seed out, I noticed a small white egg on the patio—smashed open, with proof that a little baby bird would’ve come out of it one day. The only casualty at The Lighthouse. Thanks to a quick search, I discovered it belonged to either a collared dove or a woodpigeon. Both hangout here daily, and someone obviously had a nest. My heart hurt for the little things that get lost in big storms.

If you’re interested in an update on the other animals in my garden: the hedgies are still hibernating. Though, there might only be one now. The second hedgehog popped out of its little burrow, after a snow/rain storm combo back in November, and I’m not sure where it’s ended up. (Two of the three houses are empty.) But the third/original house is still occupied. And based on how cold it’s been this month, I’d guess it will be staying in there until at least March.

And I’m happy to report that my BFF Birdy is still here too. When the snow/ice hit, I realized her second husband had disappeared. I didn’t see him for days, and wondered what had happened to him. But after a couple weeks, he returned! …I think!? I’m not 100% certain it’s him, and it’s entirely possible she’s on her third husband now. Either way, I think they are building a new nest and making babies. They seem very protective of one section of the hedges. Who knew so many birds laid eggs all year-round!? Oh, the things I’m learning!

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I watched it all from the kitchen

The kitchen is the room that made me first fall in love with The Lighthouse. It’s the brightest room of them all, with windows and a door on three sides, and light coming in from the east, south, and west. When I saw a picture of it online, I thought: I need to see that house. The rent was a little more than I’d wanted to spend, but that picture sold me. Now, I’ve lived here for nearly three years.

I still love the kitchen, but I wouldn’t say it’s my favourite room anymore. At least, not in the winter. The Lighthouse was gutted and fully renovated before I moved in, and the kitchen was actually an addition. Or an old outbuilding that was renovated into one. None of the neighbours can seem to remember, lol. It’s nice and bright—and, they did a terrible job of insulating it. When you step off the carpet in the dining room and onto the linoleum floor, your feet tell you there’s stone directly underneath. It’s my third winter here and I’ve thought about buying slippers every year, but then can’t find anything I like and quickly forget I’d ever considered buying some. Until the following winter.

I haven’t spent much time in the kitchen this month. Not because of the cold floor, but because I haven’t been interested in cooking. I’ve felt pretty bored with food all around. It shows in various ways, like how empty the fridge is and how few dishes I do each day. But it also shows in the numbers. I’ve only spent 70% of what I normally do on groceries this month, probably because I’ve been buying the basics and nothing more. Some months, food feels experiential and I find myself making at least one new recipe each week. Other months, food is purely practical, for nourishment only. That’s how it was in January. Though I was inspired to try making (gluten-free) cheese scones one day!

It was my first time making scones, period. I think they turned out ok!

Truthfully, the thing I’ve spent the most time doing in the kitchen this month is standing by the windows, looking out at the weather and the garden and the birds, while listening to old episodes of the On Being podcast. It started in the third week of January, when the world felt a little heavier and I thought: I need Mary (Oliver) right now. I re-listened to the interview she did with Krista Tippett, titled “I got saved by the beauty of the world,” (a quote) and felt both calm and inspired. Then I remembered this was one of my favourite podcasts from 2020-2022 and wondered: why did I ever stop listening!? So far, I’ve re-listened to the conversations with Mary Oliver, then David Whyte, then Pádraig Ó Tuama. (Interestingly, all poets.)

And I’ve found myself pulling quotes. Like:

• “I wish things were different; I wish I were somewhere else; I wish this were not happening. And what David Wagoner says is the place where you are ‘is called Here, / And you must treat it as a powerful stranger.’” -

  Pádraig Ó Tuama

• “I think we infuse words with a sense of who we are. And so therefore you’re not just saying a word, you’re communicating something that feels like your soul. And it might even be your soul. So the choice of a particular word is really, really important.” - Pádraig Ó Tuama

• “One of the vulnerabilities of being visible is that when you’re visible, you can be seen, and when you can be seen, you can be touched, and when you can be touched, you can be hurt.” -

  David Whyte

• “You must learn one thing. The world was made to be free in. Give up all the other worlds, except the one to which you belong. Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn, anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.” - David Whyte

• “I saved my own life.” - Mary Oliver

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…and lived in the living room

While our relationships with each room in our homes can change with the seasons, my living room is one that changes its purpose multiple times throughout each day. That’s felt especially true in January. The Brits call them sitting rooms, but living feels like a much more accurate description for what’s been happening here.

It’s the softly lit space where I’ve spent the first hour of my day, quietly reading and drinking coffee on the couch. It’s the room later filled with the sounds of workout videos, while I was lifting weights and/or doing cardio in the afternoon. It’s the place I’ve been writing most of this month’s dispatches from (avoiding the dining room/office almost entirely). It’s the place where I’ve eaten probably half of my meals. It’s also the place I’ve taken most phone calls. I’ve only had a few catch-up calls with friends this month, but noticed the topic of perimenopause came up during all of them. After the calls, I’ve stayed in the living room and looked up more about it—on my phone, or on YouTube through my TV.

Speaking of the TV, after a decade of not owning one, I have to admit: I’ve been enjoying watching things on a bigger screen. This month, I started re-watching Mad Men—though it’s been so long (almost 10 years!?), it feels like I’m watching it for the first time. I also watched the movie Civil War (from 2024), which I thought was well done, but probably wouldn’t reco to my American friends.

And I’m not the only one who watches TV here—which has probably been the biggest change at The Lighthouse this month. There are two teenagers in my life who have started hanging out here 2-3 afternoons each week. To that end, it’s been interesting to see how they move through the house, and to witness their relationship with each other grow and change too. Most of it happens in this room. The living room. Having teenagers hangout here is a change I hadn’t anticipated, and it somehow makes me feel both like an adult and a teenager again myself. It reminds me of what my dad’s house was for me and my friends (and boyfriends) in high school—the place we always hung out. Adult Cait feels the responsibility of it now, the way I’m sure my parents did too.

Reading through this, would it surprise you to learn the living room used to be the room I spent the least amount of time in? Even in the winter. I used to spend most evenings in my bedroom, but that changed in the fall. Not when I got the TV. It changed when I finally hung things on the wall. Pictures from three hikes (in England, Scotland and Wales) I’ve done since moving here, and a collection of photos of my family and friends. It took 2.5+ years of living here for me to finally piece together my first gallery wall. These are the first photos I’ve properly hung in any of the homes I’ve lived in as an adult. But I don’t want a life of blank walls anymore. I want to see my people every day, even if only from the couch.

In case I haven’t said this explicitly yet, I don’t plan on buying anything or doing any home-related projects this year. At most, I’ll start pruning more things outside (and might need a new tool or two for that). But inside, The Lighthouse feels done enough.

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Journal/creative prompts:

• What is your relationship with each room in your home this season? Which room do you spend the most time in? And the least? How do you think that might shift in other seasons?

• What creative projects do you want to work on inside your home this year? (They could be home-related or not!)

• Idea: Take a picture of the same spot in the same room (or view from the same window) once per season (4 pictures total). At the end of the year, see if you can notice how it changes every few months.

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What happened in your home this month, friend? What will you remember about January 2025?

xx Cait