My lifelong goal is full self-expression

#6 - And what this means for me/us in 2025 🥳

Taken on a gorgeous walk we did on Boxing Day—December 2024

Welcome to The Lighthouse! A newsletter written by a Canadian author (Cait Flanders, that’s me!) who found herself living in the middle of nowhere in the UK. It’s deeply reflective and also intentionally lighthearted. There’s enough darkness online and in real life. Let’s hangout in the light.

This is dispatch #6. 🕯

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Hi friend,

And happy new year! It feels so good to be back at my desk. And by desk, I mean my dining room table. Considering that I’ve been a self-employed writer for nearly a decade now, you might imagine I have a nice desk setup. The reality is that I live alone, and also dine alone most days, and so the one table I own serves many purposes in The Lighthouse. I write here (and sometimes from the couch). I eat here (and sometimes from the couch too). I also do puzzles and paint here (never from the couch). And sometimes I just sit here and stare out the window and make up stories about what the birds and hedgehogs are doing. So far today, I’ve done a little bit of it all (except for paint).

I took a full two weeks off, over the holidays. I was away from The Lighthouse for two weeks, as well. About 8 days into my stay at Tall Man’s house (my partner, for new readers—hi!), that magical thing happened, which often does whenever I’m in a new environment and create space in my life: inspiration came flooding in.

The start of each new year is always a surprise for me, in terms of how I’ll feel. Sometimes, I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t even look at content that talks about people’s goals for the year ahead. (See: me last January.) And sometimes, I’m the person who is excited to write that piece of content. This year, it seems to be the latter… and I’m rolling with it, friend! In fact, if there was one main theme most of my goals would fit under the umbrella of, it’s that I don’t want to get in the way of my own creativity this year. I want to follow my curiosity, let inspiration take me down many paths, and bring more parts of myself to my work—and my life.

I have so many ideas right now. Ideas for what I’d like to write about here, and include in my next book, and ways we might connect this year. Ideas for a couple experiments I’m going to do, and a short list of things I’d like to do with my money too. Ideas for things I’d like to try in my relationships (including with myself). And it all feels creative, friend. Even the money stuff. It’s all creative, and feels new and exciting. Inspiration is exciting! I also feel grateful I can say inspiration is something I can access often. I actually feel as though I’ve had a lot of ideas for things I might try and do and write, these last few years. But what’s also been true is that as quickly as ideas come in, I usually talk myself out of them—and that’s what I want to stop doing in 2025.

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My lifelong goal is to feel fully expressed.

I don’t know exactly when I came up with this goal, but it was sometime during the first two years of the pandemic, when I also happened to be doing therapy to work through a traumatic experience I had in 2019. The thing about going to therapy for a while is that your patterns of thinking and behaving start to make regular appearances… and if you’re willing to look at them, you just might be able to identify which ones aren’t working for you. With the help of my therapist, it became obvious one of my patterns is to hide. To stay small and quiet. To not say too much or be too much, or do anything that could cause someone to leave me. I know many people can relate. It was a survival strategy, but it also resulted in me being in many unhealthy relationship dynamics. And, staying small and quiet resulted in a lot of self-sabotaging, and left me feeling unseen and misunderstood and hurt—often. I just didn’t tell anyone (because: hiding).

The original idea behind this new goal of wanting to feel fully expressed, then, was related to my own communication. I wanted to feel fully expressed in my relationships. For me, that means things like: naming when something doesn’t feel good to me in the moment, naming things I like/don’t like or want/don’t want to do, handling conflict in new and more effective ways, trusting I can be myself and not living in fear that anything I say is going to result in me being abandoned. Identifying this as a lifelong goal gives me the permission to not strive for perfection or change my behaviour overnight, but rather make peace with the fact that I’m a work in progress—as are the people I’m in relationships with—and to focus on the progress part. I’m not on a timeline. My goal is to simply keep trying new things, forever and ever, until the end. And hope that when I get there, I will feel as though I expressed myself in my relationships.

At some point, though, I was able to recognize all the ways I don’t express myself in other areas of my life. Like all the ways I’ve sensored myself in my writing, or simply talked myself out of ideas altogether. Or how I’ve largely dressed and done my makeup in a way where I hope no one notices me. Or how I’ve hardly ever let myself get completely obsessed with a hobby or type of music (or singular artist) or TV/films or anything that would reveal my interests to people. (This one almost makes me feel sad. Having personal obsessions feels so playful and fun! I can say this now, knowing how much joy I get from loving the hedgehogs and birds in my garden. And, penguins. They are my favourite animal, and I will happily accept all penguin GIFs/memes/videos going forward, thank you!)

And so, the goal expanded: by the end of my life, I want to feel fully expressed in every way possible. I want to feel like I was the most Cait I could be.

One of the ways I want to do that in 2025 is by sharing more of my ideas and creative processes here—with you.

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The Lighthouse is a reader-supported publication. I’ve been told each dispatch feels like something you want to boil the kettle for and curl up with. If you want to read them all, consider becoming a paying subscriber. Whether you pay and stay for a month, six months, a year, or many… it’s all appreciated. ❤️

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If there’s one thing I hide above all else, friend, it’s my creativity. My ideas (especially any that feel new and half-formed), my processes, my hopes and my dreams. I won’t get into all the reasons/stories behind why that’s true, but it’s safe to say: I have a lot of experiences where people told me my ideas were dumb, or wrong in some way, or wouldn’t work out. I also have too many experiences where people close to me took my ideas and did them first. Basically, sharing my creativity wasn’t safe.

I think that’s part of why I chose to write anonymously, when I first started blogging in 2010. It took years for me to find my own voice, then add my name to my blog and use my voice publicly. After publishing THE YEAR OF LESS then getting my second book deal, I was in a different place—and was much more open about my life, my creativity, my work, etc. And then, after what happened in 2019, I stopped writing… and basically stopped telling anyone what I was thinking about, let alone working on. I didn’t share things with my agent. My close writer friends. A few months ago, even Tall Man told me he barely knows what I do. All I could do was laugh and say, “that makes sense.” Of course, he wouldn’t know. Writing is my most sacred practice. The form of self-expression I value most. I haven’t been telling anyone anything about it.

But I don’t want that to be true anymore.

Creativity is in all of us. It is a joy to experience, and I want it to be a joy to share. So, at The Lighthouse this year, I want to practice two new things:

1. Giving myself permission to create whatever I want! Not follow any strict formula. I just want to write whenever I want (could be once/week, could be more) and share lots of stories (new and old) and also create/share anything else that feels fun and interesting! Maybe that’s a random PDF. Maybe it’s journal prompts. Maybe it’s audio. Maybe it’s art. Maybe it’s more live gatherings. I don’t want to talk myself out of anything. I just want to turn my creative tap ON and keep it running and see what comes out.

2. Being more open and transparent about my creativity with you. Specifically, I want to share what I’m thinking about (random ideas about all the creative things I could do in my life!) and what I’m working on (and how it’s going) and what’s inspiring me (or simply keeping me going!). I will keep important details private (like: my next book idea), but don’t want to hold all my cards so close anymore. I want to bring you into the fold, and create a space where it’s safe for everyone to express themselves and connect over ideas.

My hope is that this sharing practice starts to feel safe and maybe even exciting for me! I also hope that the transparency helps build trust with me. I am someone who finds vague communication incredibly unsafe/untrusting. I don’t think we need to share every thought we have! But a healthy level of transparency builds safety and trust in relationships.

I also imagine that creating whatever I want and showing up as my full self here will help you decide if you want to keep hanging out at The Lighthouse or not. I’ve always said that I’m grateful for any amount of time we spend together online. And, I also know that deciding to be more of yourself can sometimes result in a few connections drifting or ending… and that has to be ok. (The bonus is something else I’ve learned, but know takes time: that space eventually gets filled with new people who accept you as you are. And that is a gift.)

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Ok, now that I’ve given you an insight into some of the BIG things I’ve been thinking about recently, let’s get into the details. Here are some of the many writing/work-related ideas I have right now! And a breakdown of what I know I’m doing for sure, and what I’m still sitting with/thinking about…

Some of what I know I’m going to do this year:

• Continue to send regular dispatches from The Lighthouse! With stories about my life as a Canadian author living in the middle of nowhere in the UK, which touch on themes like intentional living (which is really creative living), home, community, and adventure. Also, money!

• Share updates on 1 of the 2 experiments I have planned, which is to attempt to not use Amazon. More specifically, I want to stop using Amazon, Audible, and Prime Video. I’m not doing a shopping ban. I just want to give less money to Jeffy Jeff and more money to UK businesses. More on this soon!

• Note: My second experiment is that I’ve decided to stop using Instagram for a year and see how that feels. I don’t know if I’ll write about it, but I’m doing it.

• Share a few updates on an active shopping-related project, which is to create a wardrobe that expresses who I am today. I’ve been thinking about doing this for a few years now, but honestly just get overwhelmed by the thought of having to shop. Still, I feel ready to make some progress on it…

• Design/share a new monthly “financial” update with you. It definitely won’t be your usual monthly budget type of post… I want to get creative with it! (I’ll probably also do some more “day in the life of my money” posts. I had so much fun writing it, and you seemed to enjoy reading it!)

• Work on my third non-fiction book proposal (and hopefully sell it and start the first draft). I also want to share more of my creative process/progress for big projects like this. I have a lot of stories in my head that have prevented me from doing this over the years, and I want to rewrite them!

• Also: more book giveaways! They’ve always been one of my favourite things to do. Two in 2024 was not enough!

Some of the things I’m thinking about doing:

• Find new ways to share the books I’m reading, and talk about books/writing more broadly. I’d also like to normalize being a slow reader, being someone who doesn’t feel she can join book clubs, and someone who reads multiple books at the same time. Anyone else!?

• Audio, audio, audio. I studied radio/audio production in college, and would say it is my second-favourite form of self-expression (after writing). I loved recording TYOL, have hosted two podcasts in the past, and would love to do more audio in the future. I don’t know what that looks like yet, but I’m definitely thinking about how I might incorporate audio into my work again.

• Journal prompts. I love coming up with them, and love hearing what comes up for you when you do them! For the last few years, I’ve hosted a lot of live guided journalling sessions… but I’m thinking about sharing prompts some other ways this year. Maybe a bi-weekly prompt/discussion? Maybe a daily series, where I send one out for 7 days or 14 days on a specific topic? We’ll see!

• Incorporate live gatherings into our community here again. Maybe they are guided journalling sessions. Maybe it’s a group creative hour. Maybe it’s something my friend Sasha and I used to do, where we would get on a video call, say hi, then read in silence for an hour. (Actually, yes, I think I want to do this one! Maybe… the Slow Reader Read-What-You-Want Book Club!? Did I just come up with the idea here and now!? Writing things out is the best.) Maybe I’ll do them all. I just want to hangout with you this year!

• Include more paintings and drawings in my posts.

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I could go on and on, friend… but that feels like enough for now! Before signing off though, I did want to share one more idea I had this week. Actually, it’s a decision I made, thanks to a question that was prompted by someone in our community (hi Nancy!). She asked about the discount that’s currently available for paying subscribers: 30% off the annual price (which makes it about £25, $31 USD, $45 CAD). And her question prompted me to reflect a little more deeply on my beliefs about discounts and how I want to use them in my business this year.

There’s part of me that hates discounts, because I know they can create a sense of scarcity in people. So we might buy/sign up for things JUST because it’s on sale. I don’t want you to do that, and trust you know that about me. So then I reflected on what discounts mean for me as a consumer. And the reality is: I want to pay my favourite writers/creators! And, my budget has been a lot tighter in recent years. So I really appreciate when people offer discounts—and I’d sign up for A LOT MORE paid newsletters, if more people offered them.

For a time, I thought about never offering discounts again. And that might be a decision I make in 2026. For 2025, I’ve decided I’m going to offer discounts on subscriptions exactly 2 times this year¹:

• 30% off annual subscriptions for the month of January

• 30% off annual subscriptions for the first 2 weeks in July (my 40th birthday)

And then I will also continue to offer paying subscribers special discounts on any workshops/journalling sessions I sell outside of this newsletter. (Sometimes I host special one-offs, or a longer series that goes on for 3-4 weeks…)

How’s that for planning + transparency, friend!? Thanks again to Nancy for the nudge to think about this! And thank you to everyone who has read this far. I know it was a long one, but it felt REALLY good to write… and I’m excited to share more with you soon.

xx Cait

1. Also, if you’re a current paying subscriber who wants to take advantage of this discount, feel free to email me and we can try to work that out together!