This week I was in The Lake District with my family. The weather was beautiful and the scenery breathtaking. After loosing my sister last year and my friend loosing her husband and another friend battling cervical cancer I needed the space and air to breathe. My soul felt like it healed a little bit. It was also amazing to walk around Tarn Hows where my husband and I first went 20+ years ago. Back then I would never have imagined returning there having been married 17years this year and with 3 gorgeous boys. Nature has a magical way of healing you, making you stop and realise how stunning the world is if you lift your head up.
At the age of 67 years old, I decided this week to take on the guardianship of my 12 year old great niece. Many have asked how I feel about this. I answer honestly, I don't know. I haven't even got my head around it. I am on auto pilot as I go about the tasks of making room for her in my own little lighthouse. The only thing I feel is that it is the right thing to do. We don't know when it will happen. Her dad, my nephew, is on hospice so it could be a week, a month, a year. This uncertainty is difficult for all of us. But I may find new blessings in this new phase of life that I never, ever imagined.
Thank you for sharing, Cheryl—and for sharing that you don't know how you feel yet. Sometimes, there's no time to sit with our feelings. We just do the next right thing, and the next right thing, and figure it out along the way. ❤️
I scrolled through my emails and saw yours, so naturally it was the first one I opened! I have noticed how independent I am after going over to a friend’s house last weekend with other friends. I was asked why I won’t let him help me and do I not trust him was the very last thing he asked me before I left. I have considered these things. I’ve done life mostly alone this past decade since my divorce and as cheesy as it sounds, I think this friend is bringing a new playfulness to my life patting my arm several times during our game night. His relative asked my name and said so you’re the one he’s been teasing all night. I haven’t allowed a lot of joy in my life because I’ve been getting out of debt and striving for the life I want. Maybe this is the life I want!
Tomorrow is dad’s retirement service and I have been dreading it all week. I took myself out to the park last night to get out of my head. We were supposed to go out as friends but nothing worked with schedules and I won’t get to see my friends tomorrow and I am so sad. But I have to go through this to get to the next thing. Today is filled with errands and a fun appointment that I didn’t know would fall before dad’s retirement service. I can always talk to that man as if he is my grandfather. He is a very safe person to talk to when my work life and what is happening with dad is somewhat colliding and invading the privacy I crave after an announcement yesterday that brought lots of questions.
So thankful for you encouraging us to notice our lives!
It snowed in Montana this week. I noticed how the bushes, grass, trees and plants didn't seem to mind. As the snow melted the following afternoon, the grass was still turning green. The buds were still on the bushes and tree. The tulips were still popping up. It's a rough time to be a human in this world, but I agree Cait - being with and noticing nature helps.
I also wanted to say thank you for the Kate DiCamillio recommendation. I read Because of Win Dixie last week and I'm reading Flora & Ulysses right now - both are so good! And just what I need right now.
Isn't it wild how those two things can be true: it's cold enough to snow, but warm enough for new things to grow. Here, it's been freezing overnight. TM had to scrape off my car this morning! (Couldn't find mine.) But it's going to be 15°C (59°F) again today... shrug!
As for the books, I'm so glad you're enjoying Kate's work! I'm reading FLORA right now too!
I am so grateful you chose to include us in your encounter with the man who eavesdropped then commented about "two incomes." Reading this is serendipitous following a spontaneous group discussion of mostly recently retired women telling and even spewing out the things that have stirred anger in them lately. I forwarded this to them to show them the power that anger has but can also teach us; to look at what triggers in it in us.
Mainly I am here to say I love the quote by your first therapist. I keep a homemade book of quotes that my heart leans into, and I wrote that one of hers in my book this morning. Again, thank you for sharing, you could have let it remain private, but it is truly a gem, and I am grateful to be included.
That's exactly it, Sandra. I don't feel mad at this man (though I don't really feel like having more chats with him either lol). I feel curious about why I felt SO angry. It really lingered too... so, there's definitely something there. Anyway, I'm grateful for your thoughts, and glad the quote meant something to you too!
...I find...silence and facial disdain...the best retort for patriarchy nonsense...I also find acknowledging what is happening...key...I have found...like you...I am grateful I know how to give my body...specifically...my pancreas what it needs...or can cope with...and my amazing partner carefully peeling and chopping an apple...from the farm...to aid in this knowing...so delightful....I noticed this week that creating a pussy willow obelisk harder than it looks...but know my emerging spring bulbs must be equally as happy with the stakes of pussy willows I have added instead!💖💜💖🌲🌲🌲🥰
I feel mad just reading about that dude, the patronisation of these f-ers is mind blowing to me. What does their world look like, walking around assuming half of the people they see are only accessories in someone else's orbit. I used to get less mad when I was younger because I assumed they were assuming I'd done and knew nothing because I was young, but...nope.
I had a sad week and I read my first Elena Ferrante's book on four days: "The lying lives of adults". I was told by a man that I should "manage" my emotions in conversations about work-related things. I do get many emotions when I talk about something I care, I get mad when things are unfair. I don't know how to take that advice. It's true that emotions can cloud the clarity of my arguments. Still, it's a cliché hearing this from a professor. I also noticed that I want warmer days but I'm afraid of the really hot days of the summer, it gets unbearable. I noticed that it's hard for me to buy new clothes, I don't enjoy trying so many clothes and seeing nothing fits.
There are some really interesting noticings in this, Katherin. Including how it feels to get unsolicited advice/feedback... and what we do (if anything) with that. And for whatever it's worth: you're not alone re: finding buying clothes challenging. I've been doing my own work to change how I feel about that process, this year.
Re:April 2nd - I would’ve had the same reaction about the Christmas lights a few years ago but I think that’s the beauty of getting older. We’re so much more appreciative of the idea of “do you” and less judgy. Plus, as you mentioned, I also just want to be cozy all the time so why not have warm lights going year round!
To echo everyone else’s thoughts on April 3rd, I cannot believe the audacity of certain people voicing those opinions. It just shows how small their life is. It’s also shocking to me that this happened in Britain - that seems like a very sh*tty experience that would only happen here in the States. How disappointing.
And finally the book recommendations from the past two entries: why is it that I feel like I need permission to now delve back into middle school books? As if being an adult means you only have to read “serious” books instead of what your soul wants to read? I’d also throw in there anything by Katherine Arden. She did some spooky kids books a few years ago and I absolutely loved them!
Yes to being cozy all the time, Sorana! And thank you for sharing Katherine Arden with us! Just did a quick search, and I recognize a couple of her book covers... will see if my library has any of her work!
I’ve been noticing signs of spring. The birds returning. The very beginnings of blooming. I’ve been moving through my own blossoming, so I’m noticing how my inner world mirrors the nature around me. Almost every time I’ve been outside for a walk or a drive, I see a bald eagle or two flying overhead. They never cease to awe me. Their calm strength overhead makes me feel more grounded and connected to it all somehow ✨
I’m curious about the “unfortunately” when it comes to the nettle. Is it overtaking your garden? Apart from the stinging downside it’s great for pollinators, hosts certain species of butterfly caterpillars and if you’re into it, you can use it in certain recipes. I realize you are not asking for advice. I’m asking more out of curiosity. Like you with the Christmas lights I am so much less likely to judge people for such minor things these days. ❤️
I live in Victoria and normally cycle frequently, I love being in the outdoors and it’s my way of getting exercise. Lately I haven’t been cycling and as each day goes by I feel more out of sorts. I never realized until now, how that physical activity outdoors released enough endorphins to regulate my mood. I also live next door to a lake, and I never take advantage of walking the trails.
Just a thought Cait about your situation with that man questioning your ability to support yourself. You don’t need to justify anything to anyone! Personally I would have just said no, I manage quite well on my own. I can see how frustrating it must be to hear someone make a comment like that in this day and age. That being said Cait, you have definitely motivated me to get outside and go for a walk or bike ride. Thank you for all you do! 😁
Thank you for sharing your anger at the man’s comment. I have felt the same with judgy comments.
I chuckled at the Christmas light comment. I live rather rurally and we have our lights on November through March (on a timer) and the rest of the year we have a string of solar lights. We never take them down, just turn them in and off. They being so much joy and comfort in those long nights
This week I was in The Lake District with my family. The weather was beautiful and the scenery breathtaking. After loosing my sister last year and my friend loosing her husband and another friend battling cervical cancer I needed the space and air to breathe. My soul felt like it healed a little bit. It was also amazing to walk around Tarn Hows where my husband and I first went 20+ years ago. Back then I would never have imagined returning there having been married 17years this year and with 3 gorgeous boys. Nature has a magical way of healing you, making you stop and realise how stunning the world is if you lift your head up.
I couldn't agree more, Laura. Thank you for sharing. It sounds like The Lakes gave you something you needed this week ☺️
At the age of 67 years old, I decided this week to take on the guardianship of my 12 year old great niece. Many have asked how I feel about this. I answer honestly, I don't know. I haven't even got my head around it. I am on auto pilot as I go about the tasks of making room for her in my own little lighthouse. The only thing I feel is that it is the right thing to do. We don't know when it will happen. Her dad, my nephew, is on hospice so it could be a week, a month, a year. This uncertainty is difficult for all of us. But I may find new blessings in this new phase of life that I never, ever imagined.
Thank you for sharing, Cheryl—and for sharing that you don't know how you feel yet. Sometimes, there's no time to sit with our feelings. We just do the next right thing, and the next right thing, and figure it out along the way. ❤️
I scrolled through my emails and saw yours, so naturally it was the first one I opened! I have noticed how independent I am after going over to a friend’s house last weekend with other friends. I was asked why I won’t let him help me and do I not trust him was the very last thing he asked me before I left. I have considered these things. I’ve done life mostly alone this past decade since my divorce and as cheesy as it sounds, I think this friend is bringing a new playfulness to my life patting my arm several times during our game night. His relative asked my name and said so you’re the one he’s been teasing all night. I haven’t allowed a lot of joy in my life because I’ve been getting out of debt and striving for the life I want. Maybe this is the life I want!
Tomorrow is dad’s retirement service and I have been dreading it all week. I took myself out to the park last night to get out of my head. We were supposed to go out as friends but nothing worked with schedules and I won’t get to see my friends tomorrow and I am so sad. But I have to go through this to get to the next thing. Today is filled with errands and a fun appointment that I didn’t know would fall before dad’s retirement service. I can always talk to that man as if he is my grandfather. He is a very safe person to talk to when my work life and what is happening with dad is somewhat colliding and invading the privacy I crave after an announcement yesterday that brought lots of questions.
So thankful for you encouraging us to notice our lives!
It snowed in Montana this week. I noticed how the bushes, grass, trees and plants didn't seem to mind. As the snow melted the following afternoon, the grass was still turning green. The buds were still on the bushes and tree. The tulips were still popping up. It's a rough time to be a human in this world, but I agree Cait - being with and noticing nature helps.
I also wanted to say thank you for the Kate DiCamillio recommendation. I read Because of Win Dixie last week and I'm reading Flora & Ulysses right now - both are so good! And just what I need right now.
Isn't it wild how those two things can be true: it's cold enough to snow, but warm enough for new things to grow. Here, it's been freezing overnight. TM had to scrape off my car this morning! (Couldn't find mine.) But it's going to be 15°C (59°F) again today... shrug!
As for the books, I'm so glad you're enjoying Kate's work! I'm reading FLORA right now too!
I recently read Ferris for the first time. I gobbled it down in one sitting. It was SO lovely!!! Just perfect.
I am so grateful you chose to include us in your encounter with the man who eavesdropped then commented about "two incomes." Reading this is serendipitous following a spontaneous group discussion of mostly recently retired women telling and even spewing out the things that have stirred anger in them lately. I forwarded this to them to show them the power that anger has but can also teach us; to look at what triggers in it in us.
Mainly I am here to say I love the quote by your first therapist. I keep a homemade book of quotes that my heart leans into, and I wrote that one of hers in my book this morning. Again, thank you for sharing, you could have let it remain private, but it is truly a gem, and I am grateful to be included.
That's exactly it, Sandra. I don't feel mad at this man (though I don't really feel like having more chats with him either lol). I feel curious about why I felt SO angry. It really lingered too... so, there's definitely something there. Anyway, I'm grateful for your thoughts, and glad the quote meant something to you too!
...I find...silence and facial disdain...the best retort for patriarchy nonsense...I also find acknowledging what is happening...key...I have found...like you...I am grateful I know how to give my body...specifically...my pancreas what it needs...or can cope with...and my amazing partner carefully peeling and chopping an apple...from the farm...to aid in this knowing...so delightful....I noticed this week that creating a pussy willow obelisk harder than it looks...but know my emerging spring bulbs must be equally as happy with the stakes of pussy willows I have added instead!💖💜💖🌲🌲🌲🥰
I feel mad just reading about that dude, the patronisation of these f-ers is mind blowing to me. What does their world look like, walking around assuming half of the people they see are only accessories in someone else's orbit. I used to get less mad when I was younger because I assumed they were assuming I'd done and knew nothing because I was young, but...nope.
But... NOPE! (The most appropriate response, it seems lol.)
Fuck that guy.
Haha, yea. I mean, I don't wanna give him another thought. But also... fuck that guy, lol.
I had a sad week and I read my first Elena Ferrante's book on four days: "The lying lives of adults". I was told by a man that I should "manage" my emotions in conversations about work-related things. I do get many emotions when I talk about something I care, I get mad when things are unfair. I don't know how to take that advice. It's true that emotions can cloud the clarity of my arguments. Still, it's a cliché hearing this from a professor. I also noticed that I want warmer days but I'm afraid of the really hot days of the summer, it gets unbearable. I noticed that it's hard for me to buy new clothes, I don't enjoy trying so many clothes and seeing nothing fits.
There are some really interesting noticings in this, Katherin. Including how it feels to get unsolicited advice/feedback... and what we do (if anything) with that. And for whatever it's worth: you're not alone re: finding buying clothes challenging. I've been doing my own work to change how I feel about that process, this year.
Re:April 2nd - I would’ve had the same reaction about the Christmas lights a few years ago but I think that’s the beauty of getting older. We’re so much more appreciative of the idea of “do you” and less judgy. Plus, as you mentioned, I also just want to be cozy all the time so why not have warm lights going year round!
To echo everyone else’s thoughts on April 3rd, I cannot believe the audacity of certain people voicing those opinions. It just shows how small their life is. It’s also shocking to me that this happened in Britain - that seems like a very sh*tty experience that would only happen here in the States. How disappointing.
And finally the book recommendations from the past two entries: why is it that I feel like I need permission to now delve back into middle school books? As if being an adult means you only have to read “serious” books instead of what your soul wants to read? I’d also throw in there anything by Katherine Arden. She did some spooky kids books a few years ago and I absolutely loved them!
Yes to being cozy all the time, Sorana! And thank you for sharing Katherine Arden with us! Just did a quick search, and I recognize a couple of her book covers... will see if my library has any of her work!
I’ve been noticing signs of spring. The birds returning. The very beginnings of blooming. I’ve been moving through my own blossoming, so I’m noticing how my inner world mirrors the nature around me. Almost every time I’ve been outside for a walk or a drive, I see a bald eagle or two flying overhead. They never cease to awe me. Their calm strength overhead makes me feel more grounded and connected to it all somehow ✨
Ooo noticing the same bird many times feels cool, Jill! Sounds like you have a special relationship with eagles ☺️
I’m curious about the “unfortunately” when it comes to the nettle. Is it overtaking your garden? Apart from the stinging downside it’s great for pollinators, hosts certain species of butterfly caterpillars and if you’re into it, you can use it in certain recipes. I realize you are not asking for advice. I’m asking more out of curiosity. Like you with the Christmas lights I am so much less likely to judge people for such minor things these days. ❤️
I live in Victoria and normally cycle frequently, I love being in the outdoors and it’s my way of getting exercise. Lately I haven’t been cycling and as each day goes by I feel more out of sorts. I never realized until now, how that physical activity outdoors released enough endorphins to regulate my mood. I also live next door to a lake, and I never take advantage of walking the trails.
Just a thought Cait about your situation with that man questioning your ability to support yourself. You don’t need to justify anything to anyone! Personally I would have just said no, I manage quite well on my own. I can see how frustrating it must be to hear someone make a comment like that in this day and age. That being said Cait, you have definitely motivated me to get outside and go for a walk or bike ride. Thank you for all you do! 😁
Thank you for sharing your anger at the man’s comment. I have felt the same with judgy comments.
I chuckled at the Christmas light comment. I live rather rurally and we have our lights on November through March (on a timer) and the rest of the year we have a string of solar lights. We never take them down, just turn them in and off. They being so much joy and comfort in those long nights