I don't care if you have debt
The first in a little re-introduction series
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Hi friend,
In the past few months, we’ve made a lot of shifts in this space. I started writing about personal finance again, and thinking about what financial content I might find interesting in my late 30s. We spent four weeks exploring money together. I shared some of my numbers, for the first time in many years. And, I published my first personal finance book review and giveaway.
Returning to personal finance has been a true homecoming experience for me. I’m having so much fun with it, it’s almost difficult for me to believe I was hesitant to come back to these topics. Because that’s how I felt in January, friend: hesitant. Not afraid. Just aware. Aware I’m not the same person I was, when I started writing about money in 2010. Aware of the fact that I can’t uphold any idea people might have about who I am (/used to be). Aware I’ve changed in countless ways. Aware it will all show up in my writing.
I’m grateful for all the shifts and changes that have happened inside me, and think it will only help me be a healthier online friend and creator. And, I want to be explicit about some of the things I’m noticing in myself—especially now, as our community begins to grow and take shape. I want you to know more about me, so you can know what to expect from me.
So, I thought it might be fun to do a little re-introduction of sorts! I’ve pieced together three shorter posts with updated perspectives on three topics I used to write about in the early years. We’ve already talked about the fact that I stopped budgeting (the way I used to) a couple years ago. Now, I want to share some of my current feelings/beliefs about money, minimalism, and consumption.
Let’s start from the very beginning… with debt.
I don’t care if you have debt
The first topic I ever wrote about was debt. From 2011-2013, I documented my journey of paying off $28,000+ CAD ($20,000 USD, £16,000) of mostly consumer debt ($3,000 or so was for university). That felt like an important goal for me at the time (ages 25-27), and I’m still glad I achieved it—but only for the fact that it was mostly credit card debt (aka high-interest debt that could’ve kept me stuck for years). I don’t like or want credit card debt again (especially here in the UK, because interest rates are sky high for newcomers). But honestly, I don’t really care about other forms of debt (car loans, personal loans, lines of credit, mortgages, etc.)—and I have not lived a debt-free life every day since 2013, nor do I plan to live a debt-free life forever and ever until the end. And I certainly don’t care if you have some debt either.
In the personal finance world, being debt-free is like the holy grail. It is the biggest accomplishment you can achieve, and you must hold onto this accomplishment forever, if you want to be known for being “good” with money. I think paying off high-interest debt is a great goal. Wipe out those credit card balances, and anything else that has a 10%+ interest rate. But outside of that, taking on most debt (aka borrowing money) is a choice.1—and sometimes a privileged choice, for those who can access it at all. If you choose to do that sometimes… I don’t care! I’m not saying we should all go out and rack it up today! (I trust you know I would never say that.) I do believe that every dollar we borrow puts pressure on our future selves. But if you have some debt, I don’t care.
That doesn’t mean I don’t care if you are struggling with your debt, or feel it’s holding you back or hurting your life in some way. I care if your debt feels like a heavy weight, because I care about you and I don’t want you to feel weighed down by it. But I don’t care if you have debt, because your debt is none of my business—and it’s not for me, or anyone else, to judge.
Honestly, one of the many reasons I was happy to take a break from the personal finance world is because conversations about money are often filled with judgments and there’s so much pressure to be “good” with it. As I’ve said before, the earliest money experts built their entire platforms off of shaming people for the situations they “got themselves into.” (Sure, we can take responsibility for some of the things we do… but also, capitalism is bizarro made-up world to try to thrive in.) While I didn’t see much shame used by personal finance bloggers, many of us did uphold the other rules the “experts” gave us: like which financial achievements you should be aiming for, and the order in which you should cross them off the list. After paying off my debt in 2013, I unintentionally became someone that people looked to as an example of how to be “good” with money. But I don’t want or need that pressure. I don’t want to uphold any of the old expert advice. And I’m definitely not interested in living in a world (or creating a space here) where borrowing money is wrong or makes you a bad person.
When I started my own journey with this topic, I was young, maxed out, filled with shame, losing sleep and looking for answers (many of which came from those shame-loving experts). Today, I’m a little older, have been through more ups and downs with debt, and have no shame about where I am financially. I’m also not seeking answers or solutions outside of myself anymore. Like I said, I don’t want to rack up high-interest credit card debt again. But I can see myself getting a car loan in the future (if my car broke down today, I would have to). And one day, maybe even a mortgage. None of this feels stressful or bad or wrong. It just feels… like part of being an adult. Sometimes I’ll use debt to build credit (one of the many games you can play in this made-up world), and sometimes I’ll use it because I don’t have the money for something. It’s all fine. My debt feels morally neutral to me now, and I see your debt as morally neutral too.
There’s no shame in having it. Having debt doesn’t make you a bad person (the same way not having debt doesn’t make you a good person, thank you very much). And there’s no shame in being someone who uses debt sometimes. The older I get, the more I see and understand that it’s simply one piece of your whole financial puzzle. Sometimes the number attached to it will be high, sometimes (rarely, for many of us) it will be $0, more often than not it will be somewhere in the middle. Do I wish we lived in a different world and/or all earned enough that we never had to have it? Sure! That’s a nice idea. But I don’t care if you do have it in this world. You could tell me you owed $1,000 or $10,000 or $100,000, and I wouldn’t care. It doesn’t change how I think or feel about you. It’s not for me to judge. You are not your debt. Your debt is just a number. Only you get to decide how much you take on, how you manage it, and how you feel about it.
This can be such a loaded topic, but I am curious: how do you feel about debt, friend? Not for others. Just for you. What’s your relationship with debt today? How do you use it, if at all? How might you see yourself using it in the future?
I’d love to read anything you feel comfortable sharing. And as a reminder for everyone who reads and replies to comments, this is a shame-free environment with no right or wrong way of doing things. That’s not something I often feel I have to say here, but we’ve had a little influx of new subscribers recently! And it feels worth stating for this topic. ☺️
I’ll be back tomorrow with a little post about why I don’t care about minimalism…
xx Cait
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Note: This does NOT include medical debt, which is definitely NOT a choice for many people—especially our American friends.
I had debt mostly from my twenties and a bit from my thirties, and I realised I carried a lot of shame about it. It was a combination of what, in particular, that period in my twenties represented, plus I’d internalised a lot of negative messaging about debt during childhood and grew up with a parent who was very intense and triggered about money, and there was also the very shaming personal financial narrative.
My husband and I had a convo about credit card debt about 8 years ago where we said we’d aim to be rid of it all in 5 years. I mostly forgot about it, and, yet, in 2021, two weeks before the 5 years, we paid it all off. Although my relationship with money has significantly evolved over the years, I notice where anxiety and shame about money show up.
Debt is a topic that’s used to judge the haves and the have nots. It is not a ‘bad’ thing to have debt, although it can, of course, become problematic at a certain level. What we’re often unaware of when we make judgmental comments about debt is that we’re playing into unconscious (and sometimes conscious) stereotypes about who has debt, and then you’re getting into class, race, and so forth.
Use debt! I see debt as a resource to expand my options, not a sin to avoid. I don’t think the problems we have with debt are due to how much we use; I think they’re due to the fact that financial products are intentionally complex and difficult to navigate. My stance is: Use any and as much debt as you want; just learn how the products work so you know how to manage the consequences in your life and finances. No obligation to pay it off.
I’ve written about my own debt a lot, and I’d love to see personal finance writers more willing to open up about their debt even when they’re not actively eliminating it.
Some debt experiences:
https://www.healthyrich.co/p/debt-stories
https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/never-refinancing-student-loan-debt-shamed-2023-1