I love this distinction. I also want add that something that feels hard about this type of conversation is the moral aspect of it all. The sticky question of: are you a bad person if you can’t afford to buy all organic or reusable cleaning stuff etc or are in a time of life where you need easier answers? To me, the compassionate answer is definitely not, that person is just doing the best they can. However, it can feel easy to have the all or nothing mindset. I think this is being talked about more, but it still feels sticky.
I'm sure my answer has shifted, and will continue to shift throughout my life, but currently my thoughts are: it's not fair that all the pressure is put on consumers. Honestly, the fact that individual's tiny purchases are made to be the problem, in and amongst all the systems we live in... is just not fair. It feels like gaslighting. And this isn't messaging that you'll see me spread here. (Meaning: I won't be writing lists of all the "best" products you can buy or product swaps you can make.)
This also doesn't mean: make no changes. But make whatever choices make sense for you and your values and your budget. For me, that means buying less and trying to create less waste.
I agree with all of this - big corporations (oil especially) are major culprits but as things seem to feel hopeless, doing what we can gives a sense of some control. There’s a quote I go back to often, from the writer Anna Lappe. She says:
"Every time you spend money you are casting a vote for the kind of world you want."
I love the comment about people doing the best they can. While finances can be a hurdle, education can be too. And it might not be the access to education, but even the mental capacity. We all have a lot going on in our lives and need to prioritize what is most important to ourselves.
Totally agree. And again, we need to put more of the pressure on the systems. We CAN make some choices as individuals. But the FULL responsibility isn't on us.
I love these posts. Cait you are very inspirational and I am a big fan of your work. Great post and I am very much looking forward to reading more. Especially your thoughts on sustainable / responsible investing as I have just started a stocks and shares ISA. Are you going to do anymore podcasts? Thank you and take care.
Thank you for the kind words, Leo! And for the topic suggestion re: SRI (which feels complicated, but is another one I would file under "it's a simple way to try to do a little better in this world" lol). Great question, too. I would love to do another podcast in the future! But I don't know exactly what that would look like yet... so, we'll see ☺️
First of all, I would love to also have coffee outside soon. Secondly, so far when I have read you.. I feel as if we are the almost same person! I can so relate to your sentiment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and even though you gave no “homework” or asked nothing of us today; I ALSO explore the “Why” of the past overall and my actions along with all that was within the roots and explore them regularly. It has given me some additional struggle often times, and occasional resolve. I learn from the past when I can and for the rest, do my best to get back up and continue growing.
Thank you for clarifying:-) I've had a desire for about 18 months to create more than I consume because I noticed myself gorging on other people's ideas so much so that I was out of touch with my own.
It's not gone well:-)
I'm in the midst of the the Artist's Way. I tried in week 4 to do a social media fast and a dang near killed someone on the first day.
It was worse than going cold turkey off flour and sugar.
It really opened my eyes. The thing is, I like these interactions. I like ruminating on the ideas. I wish I could be a full time philosopher so that I can hang with people and chat about life for a living.
I also yearn to create and I neeeeeeed to be able to hear my internal voice. How to strike a balance? That's where I am.
It's a really interesting balance to consider/try to work toward, Nneka! As a writer, I believe we need to also be readers. But how does this same rule apply to something like social media? I'm not sure exactly. (I have barely used it in the last 16 months.) In general, though, if you LIKE the interactions you have on there... is using it bad?
I don't think that using it is 'bad' at face value. The challenge for me is not knowing when it's too much. There are subtle tells in my being when I've had enough, but the tells are so subtle that I miss them. So, how to stop before the tells kick in? Knowing when to say when:-)
I am always so interested in how you want to distance yourself from the eating lens of this! I think there are so many same lanes with food consumption and that is why these have been brought out. At least for me! Why am I eating this? Who am I with when I make this choice? How does it make me feel? I think upon reflection it will be a good venn diagram for me to make so I can clearly see what overlaps for me.
It's true! And, all line of questioning around food can quickly tip into the realm of diet culture... which I don't like personally, and definitely don't want to write about/trigger in others. Food is the EASIEST thing to weaponize ourselves with, and make ourselves feel bad about/for. Changing THAT feels important... and, it's not the business I want to get into.
Definitely. Unlearning toxic diet culture when I was embedded in it for so long has been paramount to my own ED recovery. I love how sure you are Cait and the way you navigate. As always...so inspiring!🥰🥰⭐️⭐️🎉🎉🏆🏆
I was particularly struck by complicated relationship with the systems we have (free market and the stock market). I sit with some of these too but as I plan for future me - don’t see away around the latter. Especially as Simone who is self-employed and doesn’t want to work forever.
As I am doing my own inner work - I have found myself engaging in escape behaviours too. Finding the balance is sitting with the feelings and not getting stuck with them is very hard. I had a very traumatic experience about 6 months ago and my therapist actually advised me to sit with it to a point but to allow my brain to escape from it (we came up with healthier for me ways to escape it). I found that very interesting. I think the going in and out and having a mindful plan for facing the discomfort (which could be seen as consuming it) - very helpful.
Healthy escapes are SO important, Kristen! Sounds like you have a great therapist, if they suggested that. We can't do this kind of deep inner work 24/7, especially when it's around trauma.
And yea, I don't currently see another route I would take re: taking care of my future self financially. At the moment, I see it as one of the things that makes being a human so complex. We have to live with our contradictions lol.
How to you cope with all the necessary and bewildering choices you have make as a consumer? As Mary implies having hard and fast rules helps. However things constantly change. For example when I take my daughter to a standing appointment and extra 5 mins drive takes me to a market where I can buy from 2 local farmers. However that is a ten minute use of gas. When gas goes ip, the drive costs a little more. Could I make a better choice with the few dollars not driving for 10 minutes once a month? It sounds like a tiny thing, yet these choices are there several times a day which means the cumulative effect of consistency making the wrong choice can be significant. The moral implications of these choices can occupy sleepless nights....meaning wastes energy.
All great ideas and messages about mindful consumerism in your words and in those of your readers' comments. I would like to add one other important aspect of mindful consumerism, that being considering the affected source of what you choose to consume, whether it be goods and/or services.
By deciding to responsibly consume products and/or services originating, created, etc. from one's own country, city, neighborhood, etc. you invest in your local economy, create jobs for your own people. This in turn has a rippling affect in increasing local productivity and prosperity. Just one thing to consider carefully when exercising mindful consumerism. Or as the saying goes "God helps those who help themselves".
Beautifully written Cait 💕 the curiosity you feel is something I know very well. It's not easy sitting with the feelings of why we are consuming something. Even with the overconsumption of our own thoughts. Spending too much time or money on something that doesn't benefit us is hard to realise. Which is why I loved your template so much it helps me see the happiness memories I've made that month. Small things like driving to a new park area, buying myself a coffee, trying a new experience and treating myself or my mother to lunch. I feel so much more at peace with my finances and I have you to thank for that. Soon I'll be taking my mother to the museum to see the Titanic exhibition then an earth movie then waking around the exhibition building rooftop.
Oh I LOVED reading through your list of examples, Lia... thank you so much for sharing them in this comment! And reminding me about Mindful Budgeting. I'm excited to work on a new version of it this year ☺️
Absolutely love this definition distinction! I'm fascinated by mindful consumption in my life and am paying so much more attention to the things I consume and how they make me feel. It's helping me in my growth process and also allowing me to let go of some things that aren't doing me any favors. Can't wait to read more on this topic!
I appreciate your acknowledgment of your thoughts changing. Whether it be with age, maturity, circumstances, experience or new knowledge, we should be allowed to hear what others are saying and not hold them to it to infinity and beyond. The same holds true for ourselves. We need to give ourselves the grace to evolve and not bind ourselves to our historical thoughts and beliefs which we held to be true once upon a time.
Beautifully put, Sandy! And I think I had to give myself this permission first, before feeling ready to write all of last week's posts. I felt trapped by the idea others might have of me, or what anyone hoped I would do next... and had to take myself out of those boxes. It took time! But was worth it, and is a journey I would encourage taking.
I love all of this. The topic of mindful consumption is very close to me (and thank you for giving it such an elegant label), which reading through this post has really put into focus. For example, things I have stopped consuming (either permanently or temporarily) over the past ~8 years include: alcohol, social media, movies & TV, various "stuff" such as makeup. None of it has been enough in itself to solve the stuff that I needed to work through, but it helped strip away the layers of distraction that kept me from dealing with the hard things. On the topic of how to heal yourself if you don't have access or desire to go to therapy, I recommend the book "How to Do the Work" by Nicole LePera (I know she's controversial, but I personally found many of her tips helpful). I look forward to more of your writing on this topic!
I love the question (and your honest answer) from the audience about how you coped without spending/drinking during the shopping ban. Even if you have therapist, they can't be with you 24/7 so we still have to learn how to sit with our feelings and anxiety and grief. Can you expand upon what "sitting with your feelings" looks like? Is it literally just sitting (and maybe crying)?
Yep. Lots of crying. Learning how to validate my feelings ("you're feeling X and that's totally valid") and self-soothe ("you're safe"). Then learning how to regulate, and not dissociate. This will look different for everyone, and it's big work... I won't minimize it. But it's learning how to give yourself what you need, rather than think anyone or anything else can do that for you.
I love this distinction. I also want add that something that feels hard about this type of conversation is the moral aspect of it all. The sticky question of: are you a bad person if you can’t afford to buy all organic or reusable cleaning stuff etc or are in a time of life where you need easier answers? To me, the compassionate answer is definitely not, that person is just doing the best they can. However, it can feel easy to have the all or nothing mindset. I think this is being talked about more, but it still feels sticky.
I'm sure my answer has shifted, and will continue to shift throughout my life, but currently my thoughts are: it's not fair that all the pressure is put on consumers. Honestly, the fact that individual's tiny purchases are made to be the problem, in and amongst all the systems we live in... is just not fair. It feels like gaslighting. And this isn't messaging that you'll see me spread here. (Meaning: I won't be writing lists of all the "best" products you can buy or product swaps you can make.)
This also doesn't mean: make no changes. But make whatever choices make sense for you and your values and your budget. For me, that means buying less and trying to create less waste.
I agree with all of this - big corporations (oil especially) are major culprits but as things seem to feel hopeless, doing what we can gives a sense of some control. There’s a quote I go back to often, from the writer Anna Lappe. She says:
"Every time you spend money you are casting a vote for the kind of world you want."
I love the comment about people doing the best they can. While finances can be a hurdle, education can be too. And it might not be the access to education, but even the mental capacity. We all have a lot going on in our lives and need to prioritize what is most important to ourselves.
Totally agree. And again, we need to put more of the pressure on the systems. We CAN make some choices as individuals. But the FULL responsibility isn't on us.
I feel like I grapple with this DAILY
I love these posts. Cait you are very inspirational and I am a big fan of your work. Great post and I am very much looking forward to reading more. Especially your thoughts on sustainable / responsible investing as I have just started a stocks and shares ISA. Are you going to do anymore podcasts? Thank you and take care.
Thank you for the kind words, Leo! And for the topic suggestion re: SRI (which feels complicated, but is another one I would file under "it's a simple way to try to do a little better in this world" lol). Great question, too. I would love to do another podcast in the future! But I don't know exactly what that would look like yet... so, we'll see ☺️
First of all, I would love to also have coffee outside soon. Secondly, so far when I have read you.. I feel as if we are the almost same person! I can so relate to your sentiment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and even though you gave no “homework” or asked nothing of us today; I ALSO explore the “Why” of the past overall and my actions along with all that was within the roots and explore them regularly. It has given me some additional struggle often times, and occasional resolve. I learn from the past when I can and for the rest, do my best to get back up and continue growing.
Thank you for clarifying:-) I've had a desire for about 18 months to create more than I consume because I noticed myself gorging on other people's ideas so much so that I was out of touch with my own.
It's not gone well:-)
I'm in the midst of the the Artist's Way. I tried in week 4 to do a social media fast and a dang near killed someone on the first day.
It was worse than going cold turkey off flour and sugar.
It really opened my eyes. The thing is, I like these interactions. I like ruminating on the ideas. I wish I could be a full time philosopher so that I can hang with people and chat about life for a living.
I also yearn to create and I neeeeeeed to be able to hear my internal voice. How to strike a balance? That's where I am.
It's a really interesting balance to consider/try to work toward, Nneka! As a writer, I believe we need to also be readers. But how does this same rule apply to something like social media? I'm not sure exactly. (I have barely used it in the last 16 months.) In general, though, if you LIKE the interactions you have on there... is using it bad?
I don't think that using it is 'bad' at face value. The challenge for me is not knowing when it's too much. There are subtle tells in my being when I've had enough, but the tells are so subtle that I miss them. So, how to stop before the tells kick in? Knowing when to say when:-)
I am always so interested in how you want to distance yourself from the eating lens of this! I think there are so many same lanes with food consumption and that is why these have been brought out. At least for me! Why am I eating this? Who am I with when I make this choice? How does it make me feel? I think upon reflection it will be a good venn diagram for me to make so I can clearly see what overlaps for me.
It's true! And, all line of questioning around food can quickly tip into the realm of diet culture... which I don't like personally, and definitely don't want to write about/trigger in others. Food is the EASIEST thing to weaponize ourselves with, and make ourselves feel bad about/for. Changing THAT feels important... and, it's not the business I want to get into.
Definitely. Unlearning toxic diet culture when I was embedded in it for so long has been paramount to my own ED recovery. I love how sure you are Cait and the way you navigate. As always...so inspiring!🥰🥰⭐️⭐️🎉🎉🏆🏆
I was particularly struck by complicated relationship with the systems we have (free market and the stock market). I sit with some of these too but as I plan for future me - don’t see away around the latter. Especially as Simone who is self-employed and doesn’t want to work forever.
As I am doing my own inner work - I have found myself engaging in escape behaviours too. Finding the balance is sitting with the feelings and not getting stuck with them is very hard. I had a very traumatic experience about 6 months ago and my therapist actually advised me to sit with it to a point but to allow my brain to escape from it (we came up with healthier for me ways to escape it). I found that very interesting. I think the going in and out and having a mindful plan for facing the discomfort (which could be seen as consuming it) - very helpful.
Thank you for such a thoughtful post.
Healthy escapes are SO important, Kristen! Sounds like you have a great therapist, if they suggested that. We can't do this kind of deep inner work 24/7, especially when it's around trauma.
And yea, I don't currently see another route I would take re: taking care of my future self financially. At the moment, I see it as one of the things that makes being a human so complex. We have to live with our contradictions lol.
How to you cope with all the necessary and bewildering choices you have make as a consumer? As Mary implies having hard and fast rules helps. However things constantly change. For example when I take my daughter to a standing appointment and extra 5 mins drive takes me to a market where I can buy from 2 local farmers. However that is a ten minute use of gas. When gas goes ip, the drive costs a little more. Could I make a better choice with the few dollars not driving for 10 minutes once a month? It sounds like a tiny thing, yet these choices are there several times a day which means the cumulative effect of consistency making the wrong choice can be significant. The moral implications of these choices can occupy sleepless nights....meaning wastes energy.
TIA.
Hi Cait,
All great ideas and messages about mindful consumerism in your words and in those of your readers' comments. I would like to add one other important aspect of mindful consumerism, that being considering the affected source of what you choose to consume, whether it be goods and/or services.
By deciding to responsibly consume products and/or services originating, created, etc. from one's own country, city, neighborhood, etc. you invest in your local economy, create jobs for your own people. This in turn has a rippling affect in increasing local productivity and prosperity. Just one thing to consider carefully when exercising mindful consumerism. Or as the saying goes "God helps those who help themselves".
Beautifully written Cait 💕 the curiosity you feel is something I know very well. It's not easy sitting with the feelings of why we are consuming something. Even with the overconsumption of our own thoughts. Spending too much time or money on something that doesn't benefit us is hard to realise. Which is why I loved your template so much it helps me see the happiness memories I've made that month. Small things like driving to a new park area, buying myself a coffee, trying a new experience and treating myself or my mother to lunch. I feel so much more at peace with my finances and I have you to thank for that. Soon I'll be taking my mother to the museum to see the Titanic exhibition then an earth movie then waking around the exhibition building rooftop.
Oh I LOVED reading through your list of examples, Lia... thank you so much for sharing them in this comment! And reminding me about Mindful Budgeting. I'm excited to work on a new version of it this year ☺️
Aw thank you.. 🥰 I'm excited to see and use the new version too ☺️
Absolutely love this definition distinction! I'm fascinated by mindful consumption in my life and am paying so much more attention to the things I consume and how they make me feel. It's helping me in my growth process and also allowing me to let go of some things that aren't doing me any favors. Can't wait to read more on this topic!
I appreciate your acknowledgment of your thoughts changing. Whether it be with age, maturity, circumstances, experience or new knowledge, we should be allowed to hear what others are saying and not hold them to it to infinity and beyond. The same holds true for ourselves. We need to give ourselves the grace to evolve and not bind ourselves to our historical thoughts and beliefs which we held to be true once upon a time.
Beautifully put, Sandy! And I think I had to give myself this permission first, before feeling ready to write all of last week's posts. I felt trapped by the idea others might have of me, or what anyone hoped I would do next... and had to take myself out of those boxes. It took time! But was worth it, and is a journey I would encourage taking.
I love all of this. The topic of mindful consumption is very close to me (and thank you for giving it such an elegant label), which reading through this post has really put into focus. For example, things I have stopped consuming (either permanently or temporarily) over the past ~8 years include: alcohol, social media, movies & TV, various "stuff" such as makeup. None of it has been enough in itself to solve the stuff that I needed to work through, but it helped strip away the layers of distraction that kept me from dealing with the hard things. On the topic of how to heal yourself if you don't have access or desire to go to therapy, I recommend the book "How to Do the Work" by Nicole LePera (I know she's controversial, but I personally found many of her tips helpful). I look forward to more of your writing on this topic!
I love the question (and your honest answer) from the audience about how you coped without spending/drinking during the shopping ban. Even if you have therapist, they can't be with you 24/7 so we still have to learn how to sit with our feelings and anxiety and grief. Can you expand upon what "sitting with your feelings" looks like? Is it literally just sitting (and maybe crying)?
Yep. Lots of crying. Learning how to validate my feelings ("you're feeling X and that's totally valid") and self-soothe ("you're safe"). Then learning how to regulate, and not dissociate. This will look different for everyone, and it's big work... I won't minimize it. But it's learning how to give yourself what you need, rather than think anyone or anything else can do that for you.