Sounds like a great system, Marissa! And honestly, the cost of Prime is pretty outrageous now. Tall Man and I split it, which save us money because we don't live together (so it's truly half the price for each of our households). But if I was on my own, I wouldn't have it either.
I do something similar. I will put things on my cart, completely forget about them and then when I come back a couple weeks later I realize I don’t need them.
Not exactly a shopping ban, but attempting the rule of 5 and limiting myself to only five new clothing purchases this year. Your advice on browsing is spot on. I noticed I was shopping because I was browsing, and browsing because I was bored. I rarely even feel the temptation to shop now that I don’t scroll on resale apps or brand websites!!
I can definitely relate to the browsing also because I’m board and sometimes ending up buying something because of that. Though I try to give some space to decide if I actually really want it. It’s working kinda ok ☺️
I’ve never done a shopping ban but am considering! Definitely nervous about binge buying things after like you mentioned. I might try it for one aspect of my life where I think I spend a lot, rather than overall
I’m actually doing a Year of Less loosely based on your book, but my approach is more of a low-buy year than a complete shopping ban. I have specific financial goals, so as long as I hit those, I’m free to do whatever I please with my money within reason. I don’t like living in a cluttered space, so keeping my house as easy to clean as possible is another goal. Progress over perfection!
Did you make any rules for yourself? Or is it free for all with no judgement once you hit your monthly financial goals? I’m curious about how everyone approaches spending/buying limits
I still follow the essentials, nonessentials, and approved shopping lists, but I’m a little more kind to myself when I buy something that’s not on my approved shopping list because I know I’m reaching my other financial goals. I don’t like tracking every single expense (like groceries, bills, etc.), so instead, I track the personal things I buy and use that to inform future decisions. Plus I’m okay with replacing things that don’t work for me with something better. For example, I didn’t plan on getting much loungewear this year, but I wore out one pair of sweatpants and realized how much more I loved the new ones, so I decluttered a pair of leggings, a pair of sweatpants, and a pair of pajama pants and only replaced them with two different colors of the sweatpants I’m absurdly obsessed with!
I read Cait's book this past fall, just before Christmas. We had just bought a new SUV, were preparing to go on a family trip to Hawaii, and limiting Christmas presents. Her book helped me accept that our house is filled with stuff we barely use and seem to have multiple of everythin. I also realized I am a person who shows love and affection by gift giving and I was teaching this to my children.
We started our ban for 2024, so only 1 month in. Our restrictions are: get rid if excessive streaming services (we had basically evey one and only used a couple, and we're paying for some twice); no new purchases unless we needed things; no bulk purchases for groceries (we overstock our pantry and food ends up expiring); limit to $200 per week on groceries/eating out; and finally we have the goal of "purging" the house of all the things we should have gone through and/or gotten rid of years ago (the totes that haven't been opened since 2012). It's only February and we already had 1 weekend of overspending, but so far we are doing well. We stay mindful of whether we really need something, but we haven't limited ourselves to the extreme. For our area, $200 per week is tight, but definitely doable.
Our ultimate goals: save money, reduce debt, and be more comfortable with things we have.
It sounds like you are getting a lot of insights about your life, relationships, and environment from this experiment. Sounds like a win to me!
And as you gather more information while doing the experiment you can adjust the boundaries as needed. It's funny how much editing and cleaning out the things around us create space for change.
I second what Rachel said, Leslee. Your "restrictions" for this also sounds less like a ban, and more like a new alignment of your spending! Like this could be something you maintain, actually. Just a thought!? I wonder if that feels true...
Not really ban advice. But something you said made me think of a practice I use on “value vs cost” that I think everyone could try:
I don’t look at pricetags before trying things on. I’ll try on clothes and asses how much I feel the item is worth. Eg “I’d pay $100 for this dress” - I then look at the price and it $100 or less, it’s worth it to me…if more I put it back.
Same goes for other things, like Ubers - if I’m walking home and it starts raining I’ll say “I’ll take an Uber if <$10” and if it’s $12, I guess I’m getting wet.
Just a thought. At the end of the day, the price of things is not something you can control, but if it outweighs how much you value it, you’ll sleep better if you avoid the transaction.
I love this process for trying on clothes! Often, I do this in reverse, but then I don’t know how the clothes actually fit/feel. I will be borrowing this framework for myself.
I was once that way too but then found I wasn’t even trying pieces and/or ended up wasting money as I’d buy something because it was a good deal/on sale — but then never wear it or not love it.
I now have things I love, flatter me and are valuable in my eyes! Plus, nothing beats putting on something that makes you feel amazing and then realizing it’s waayyyy less than you’d pay = feels like you’re living in sale land lol
OMGosh I love this! In principle I will pay good money for good things, and I’ve learned the lesson wayyy too many times that cheaping out always burns me. In reality though, if I go to a store say to get some pants I need, I’ll weed out what I’m willing to try on based on price, choosing only the cheaper options. I will definitely give this a try!
I'm actually more on the side of finding it hard to buy things, too. I can talk myself out of absolutely anything (still think of some things I didn't buy years later...if I see something I *love* now, I get it!). I've been working on this for a few years, when I started I had the belief that spending was a 'slippery slope', therefore I expected to slip once I started buying things...turns out, nope, a lifetime of restriction means my slope is more a type of sand paper I have to edge my way down slowly. My most recent example of lack was realising I didn't have any normal shoes! I had shoes for every activity I do, shoes for walking, running, cycling, climbing. And specific smart work shoes I rarely wear. I had no 'jump in the car and head into town' shoes. And the old running shoes I was using were literally falling apart. Along with the spending thing, I don't actually want anything I don't love so it's really hard to find new things and I find shopping a huge chore. Money and how we spend it (or don't) is fascinating!
"...turns out, nope, a lifetime of restriction means my slope is more a type of sand paper I have to edge my way down slowly." This both made me laugh and felt reassuring, haha. But hi, I'm also a member of this no-basic-shoes club! *waves* Vicki. I am literally down to 4 pairs in total: running shoes, hiking boots, sandals, and a pair of wedge heels I basically only wear to weddings. I have absolutely nothing I could wear on a more casual basis, nothing to wear on a date with Tall Man (and this does bother me), etc. And yet... I don't go shopping/do anything to change my situation. This is both frustrating and fascinating, lol.
I loved the photo of the stack of your books. I'm curious about what languages are missing?
I have done a no buy around certain things. Always beginning in January for me, not because it's the new year, but because my birthday is in January. Last year and this year I am taking a pause on buying clothing. The goal is to go until at least May 1st. My logic around this is that last year I made my first clothing purchase April 30th!
Something I want to try this month, is eating through my freezer. Simply because there is a lot of good stuff in there to eat before buying again.
As I was reading this post I remember you once told me you buy yourself flowers or tell a friend to celebrate yourself. That makes me feel a lot of joy for you.
Lastly, The Year of Less is how I found you! So it holds a lovely place for me too. 🩷🩷🩷
Ahhh this was so fun to read through, friend! And to hear how you found me/what helped us cross paths ☺️ for the languages missing: Brazilian Portuguese, Ukrainian, Turkish, Russian, and Farsi!
I hate shopping. I particularly hate shopping online. I hate browsing online and I especially hate sending things back, even if there's something wrong with them. I decided not to buy any new clothes in 2018 and have thoroughly enjoyed my rare bouts of charity shop shopping ever since.
However.
I have no self-discipline over books, and might have to move out to the garden shed to make room for the books. I try to only buy one book at a time - otherwise chaos ensues. I have a phone full of kindles and my bedroom is ramparted with books.
So although I preen myself for my frugality, it's actually a scam by me on me. But how can I turn away from books - they're my friends.
I can relate to the books thing! After a few moves and a few book clearances I decided to become more diligent with using the library.
Now I look up any book I’m interested in and order it. It feels almost like shopping ☺️ I still buy the odd one I really want to own and which there may be a long list of reserves on. But this approach has drastically reduced the accumulation issue.
I’m turning more to the library too. We have to pay to make book requests (but only if the library gets the book). I decided it was worth it for books I think I’ll probably read only once. Then other people get to use them too.
During Corona I started buying books myself; I didn’t have internet during our first lockdown and really felt the lack, with only one shelf of books. Recently I realized I have all these books I would just return to the library if only they were library books. Because I paid so much for them, I felt, if I ever want to read this again, I’ll have to pay for it all over again. Now I’ve passed them along and haven’t missed them yet.
Now, if I keep checking out a book from the library (or the library won’t get it, or I know I want it), I get it for myself.
Oh that’s a bit mean that you have to pay to order them. I actually love having books around but with two book lovers and limited space we’ve had to curtail it all. And there are definitely some you want to keep and others that are easy to pass along.
Luckily me & my partner have similar taste. So that helps.
This is super relatable, Patricia—as seen in the other comments, too! I second what Linn said: whenever I think I want to read a book, I reserve it at the library first. I've been doing this since the shopping ban (so 9-10 years ago now) and, after this long, the most interesting lesson I've learned is: most of the time, I don't read most of what I borrow. This makes me grateful to have access to a library, and even more grateful that I didn't spend money on something I didn't read/finish.
I've never really done a shopping ban/no-spending thing, but I do think I have had a tendency to under-buy items (specifically clothes) that I do need or will make life (or an activity) more comfortable in a very functional way.
I also always unsubscribe to any clothing emails when I do re-order an item.
Oh good question.. It's maybe not quite warm enough yet, but I do think I've been wanting a warm but not winter coat/jacket. And now might be the time to look for one so that I have it when it is that weird in-between day weather wise.
This is very fascinating to me. I am a low-income earner so I don't shop often. Mainly at Christmas with the gift cards I ask for each year so I can buy new clothes for myself. But I've noticed since buying new things for myself is rare, I do buy those things I can like jewelry. But just this week, I decided I'm going to wear the new clothes I've bought for myself as well as jewelry I've bought for myself. These past 10+ years since my divorce has been a big purge. I need to purge more now that I have a one bedroom apartment. I had a house in my married years and have had two bedroom apartments since. I truly never had time to purge with journalism jobs. My mom made fun of my minimalism last week. I said it is out of necessity but now it's become a habit for me. It spills into every area of my life. But I do like makeup. Who knew?! I'm a very simple girl. I like my $5 jewelry. I do like buying myself clothes. I've been wearing the same black skirt six days out of the week and decided this week, I'm tired of it! So this is a bunch of randomness but this is why I follow you. You make me stop and think why I do things. It is very difficult for me to allow myself to buy things with my income. There is also how can I make this money stretch when Christmas, tax refund, and bonuses come, so I do feel I have become very intentional out of necessity. Thanks for the hard work you do and letting us be a part of the journey!
And thank you for sharing everything this letter brought up for you, Heidi! I hope you enjoy wearing your new clothes, your jewelry, and makeup too! (I'm on a bit of a journey with that myself, as there's an 11-year-old in my life who is *very* interested in it. She's making makeup feel fun for maybe the first time in my life!?)
I’ve always had a hard time spending money because my parents weren’t “good” with money. Having our power turned off and things like that were a cautionary tale for me, so I’ve saved and restricted as a way of managing my anxiety. I also had issues around deserving things, to the point where I would often cry after birthdays or holidays if I felt like my gifts were more than my family could afford. As I’ve gotten older, especially through the pandemic, I’ve been trying to reframe spending. On one end, I now understand that spending is an important part of the economy; it’s a way to support people’s passions and local community. On the other end, I’m also seeing how oftentimes purchases, even when they’re technically just things, relate back to experiences. Like you, I’m realizing that being more comfortable and prepared for different experiences is actually really valuable to me. I’ve also noticed as I look around my house (and closet) that I would often buy the cheapest version of something, use it all the time…and kind of hate it. Now if there’s something slightly more expensive but I know it’ll last for years or be used often, I’m more likely to spring for quality or something that brings joy. I’ve found it helps me to set a budget when shopping for “non-essentials” with the goal of actually spending all of it.
Gosh, I could have written this about what I deserve and having a hard time accepting gifts in general. As an older person, I am realizing how I don't value my worth in my relationship/marriage either. I feel awkward asking about our finances. OURS! Like I don't even deserve to know that.
"I’m realizing that being more comfortable and prepared for different experiences is actually really valuable to me." I'm super grateful you shared this reframe, Ash. Truly. I *would* find value in being more comfortable and prepared... and two items immediately came to mind as things I would then like to shop for soon. Thank you.
Good morning, Cait, I'm very interested in your new 4 Week Class but I'm not sure I fully understand what we will be doing? Can you provide more detail? I'm Canadian and have to deal with the realities of the Canadian financial system- will the course be applicable? Thank you. PS your post on money and extending beyond money to all that lies around and under, and beyond it was excellent. It gave me such 'food for thought'. Thank you.
Ohhhh goodness, ok well first, your comment helped me realize I included the wrong link above! The first link took you directly to the registration page. But here's the sales page with more info, FAQ, etc. I will just add that it's not a class (and is certainly not targeted to how money works in any particular country), but is a series of journalling sessions. So if you'd like to spend some time answering new prompts in your journal, quietly alongside others, we'd love for you to join us: https://www.caitflanders.com/explore-money ☺️
This reminds me of the experiences I was having during the first year of my ban too, Wendi. Thank you for sharing ☺️
I do the same! I agree this helps a ton
Sounds like a great system, Marissa! And honestly, the cost of Prime is pretty outrageous now. Tall Man and I split it, which save us money because we don't live together (so it's truly half the price for each of our households). But if I was on my own, I wouldn't have it either.
I hate Amazon! I think this is a brilliant idea.
I do something similar. I will put things on my cart, completely forget about them and then when I come back a couple weeks later I realize I don’t need them.
Not exactly a shopping ban, but attempting the rule of 5 and limiting myself to only five new clothing purchases this year. Your advice on browsing is spot on. I noticed I was shopping because I was browsing, and browsing because I was bored. I rarely even feel the temptation to shop now that I don’t scroll on resale apps or brand websites!!
Ahhh I haven't heard of the rule of 5, Bri! Is that an idea you came up with yourself, or heard about elsewhere?
Rule of 5 is inspired by this fashion report from Hot or Cold Institute! https://hotorcool.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Hot_or_Cool_1_5_fashion_report_.pdf But the movement is being popularized by fashion journalist Tiffanie Darke (she's on Substack!)
I can definitely relate to the browsing also because I’m board and sometimes ending up buying something because of that. Though I try to give some space to decide if I actually really want it. It’s working kinda ok ☺️
Yes! Giving space is critical to making more conscious purchasing decisions :)
I love the rule of 5. I think with this it's about buying quality over quantity.
As the late great Vivienne Westwood said "Buy less, Choose well, Make it last"
I’ve never done a shopping ban but am considering! Definitely nervous about binge buying things after like you mentioned. I might try it for one aspect of my life where I think I spend a lot, rather than overall
That sounds both gentle and smart, and like it could have a big impact!
I’m actually doing a Year of Less loosely based on your book, but my approach is more of a low-buy year than a complete shopping ban. I have specific financial goals, so as long as I hit those, I’m free to do whatever I please with my money within reason. I don’t like living in a cluttered space, so keeping my house as easy to clean as possible is another goal. Progress over perfection!
Did you make any rules for yourself? Or is it free for all with no judgement once you hit your monthly financial goals? I’m curious about how everyone approaches spending/buying limits
I still follow the essentials, nonessentials, and approved shopping lists, but I’m a little more kind to myself when I buy something that’s not on my approved shopping list because I know I’m reaching my other financial goals. I don’t like tracking every single expense (like groceries, bills, etc.), so instead, I track the personal things I buy and use that to inform future decisions. Plus I’m okay with replacing things that don’t work for me with something better. For example, I didn’t plan on getting much loungewear this year, but I wore out one pair of sweatpants and realized how much more I loved the new ones, so I decluttered a pair of leggings, a pair of sweatpants, and a pair of pajama pants and only replaced them with two different colors of the sweatpants I’m absurdly obsessed with!
Thank you for sharing some of the details of what you're doing and how it's going, Hillarie!
A great mindset to have!
I read Cait's book this past fall, just before Christmas. We had just bought a new SUV, were preparing to go on a family trip to Hawaii, and limiting Christmas presents. Her book helped me accept that our house is filled with stuff we barely use and seem to have multiple of everythin. I also realized I am a person who shows love and affection by gift giving and I was teaching this to my children.
We started our ban for 2024, so only 1 month in. Our restrictions are: get rid if excessive streaming services (we had basically evey one and only used a couple, and we're paying for some twice); no new purchases unless we needed things; no bulk purchases for groceries (we overstock our pantry and food ends up expiring); limit to $200 per week on groceries/eating out; and finally we have the goal of "purging" the house of all the things we should have gone through and/or gotten rid of years ago (the totes that haven't been opened since 2012). It's only February and we already had 1 weekend of overspending, but so far we are doing well. We stay mindful of whether we really need something, but we haven't limited ourselves to the extreme. For our area, $200 per week is tight, but definitely doable.
Our ultimate goals: save money, reduce debt, and be more comfortable with things we have.
It sounds like you are getting a lot of insights about your life, relationships, and environment from this experiment. Sounds like a win to me!
And as you gather more information while doing the experiment you can adjust the boundaries as needed. It's funny how much editing and cleaning out the things around us create space for change.
I second what Rachel said, Leslee. Your "restrictions" for this also sounds less like a ban, and more like a new alignment of your spending! Like this could be something you maintain, actually. Just a thought!? I wonder if that feels true...
Reading Cait’s post I was thinking how I should also cancel some of my streaming services.
Not really ban advice. But something you said made me think of a practice I use on “value vs cost” that I think everyone could try:
I don’t look at pricetags before trying things on. I’ll try on clothes and asses how much I feel the item is worth. Eg “I’d pay $100 for this dress” - I then look at the price and it $100 or less, it’s worth it to me…if more I put it back.
Same goes for other things, like Ubers - if I’m walking home and it starts raining I’ll say “I’ll take an Uber if <$10” and if it’s $12, I guess I’m getting wet.
Just a thought. At the end of the day, the price of things is not something you can control, but if it outweighs how much you value it, you’ll sleep better if you avoid the transaction.
I love this process for trying on clothes! Often, I do this in reverse, but then I don’t know how the clothes actually fit/feel. I will be borrowing this framework for myself.
I was once that way too but then found I wasn’t even trying pieces and/or ended up wasting money as I’d buy something because it was a good deal/on sale — but then never wear it or not love it.
I now have things I love, flatter me and are valuable in my eyes! Plus, nothing beats putting on something that makes you feel amazing and then realizing it’s waayyyy less than you’d pay = feels like you’re living in sale land lol
OMGosh I love this! In principle I will pay good money for good things, and I’ve learned the lesson wayyy too many times that cheaping out always burns me. In reality though, if I go to a store say to get some pants I need, I’ll weed out what I’m willing to try on based on price, choosing only the cheaper options. I will definitely give this a try!
I AM OBSESSED with this. And, you gave me an idea. Going to text you now! xoxo
I'm actually more on the side of finding it hard to buy things, too. I can talk myself out of absolutely anything (still think of some things I didn't buy years later...if I see something I *love* now, I get it!). I've been working on this for a few years, when I started I had the belief that spending was a 'slippery slope', therefore I expected to slip once I started buying things...turns out, nope, a lifetime of restriction means my slope is more a type of sand paper I have to edge my way down slowly. My most recent example of lack was realising I didn't have any normal shoes! I had shoes for every activity I do, shoes for walking, running, cycling, climbing. And specific smart work shoes I rarely wear. I had no 'jump in the car and head into town' shoes. And the old running shoes I was using were literally falling apart. Along with the spending thing, I don't actually want anything I don't love so it's really hard to find new things and I find shopping a huge chore. Money and how we spend it (or don't) is fascinating!
Same.. what is it about finding a solid, basic pair of shoes that is such a challenge.
Aha, so it’s not just me!
"...turns out, nope, a lifetime of restriction means my slope is more a type of sand paper I have to edge my way down slowly." This both made me laugh and felt reassuring, haha. But hi, I'm also a member of this no-basic-shoes club! *waves* Vicki. I am literally down to 4 pairs in total: running shoes, hiking boots, sandals, and a pair of wedge heels I basically only wear to weddings. I have absolutely nothing I could wear on a more casual basis, nothing to wear on a date with Tall Man (and this does bother me), etc. And yet... I don't go shopping/do anything to change my situation. This is both frustrating and fascinating, lol.
It seems shoes are a challenge for more people than I had first considered...
Hello!!!
I loved the photo of the stack of your books. I'm curious about what languages are missing?
I have done a no buy around certain things. Always beginning in January for me, not because it's the new year, but because my birthday is in January. Last year and this year I am taking a pause on buying clothing. The goal is to go until at least May 1st. My logic around this is that last year I made my first clothing purchase April 30th!
Something I want to try this month, is eating through my freezer. Simply because there is a lot of good stuff in there to eat before buying again.
As I was reading this post I remember you once told me you buy yourself flowers or tell a friend to celebrate yourself. That makes me feel a lot of joy for you.
Lastly, The Year of Less is how I found you! So it holds a lovely place for me too. 🩷🩷🩷
I like (and might steal) your idea of eating through your freezer.
Love!!! Steal away! :)
Ahhh this was so fun to read through, friend! And to hear how you found me/what helped us cross paths ☺️ for the languages missing: Brazilian Portuguese, Ukrainian, Turkish, Russian, and Farsi!
I tried a shopping ban and during that time I was shopping more than before the ban. It’s like if the forbidden is a greater temptation.
I'm curious what personal lessons you might have taken from that experience, Marlene?
I hate shopping. I particularly hate shopping online. I hate browsing online and I especially hate sending things back, even if there's something wrong with them. I decided not to buy any new clothes in 2018 and have thoroughly enjoyed my rare bouts of charity shop shopping ever since.
However.
I have no self-discipline over books, and might have to move out to the garden shed to make room for the books. I try to only buy one book at a time - otherwise chaos ensues. I have a phone full of kindles and my bedroom is ramparted with books.
So although I preen myself for my frugality, it's actually a scam by me on me. But how can I turn away from books - they're my friends.
It’s a scam by me on me 🤣
I can relate to the books thing! After a few moves and a few book clearances I decided to become more diligent with using the library.
Now I look up any book I’m interested in and order it. It feels almost like shopping ☺️ I still buy the odd one I really want to own and which there may be a long list of reserves on. But this approach has drastically reduced the accumulation issue.
I’m turning more to the library too. We have to pay to make book requests (but only if the library gets the book). I decided it was worth it for books I think I’ll probably read only once. Then other people get to use them too.
During Corona I started buying books myself; I didn’t have internet during our first lockdown and really felt the lack, with only one shelf of books. Recently I realized I have all these books I would just return to the library if only they were library books. Because I paid so much for them, I felt, if I ever want to read this again, I’ll have to pay for it all over again. Now I’ve passed them along and haven’t missed them yet.
Now, if I keep checking out a book from the library (or the library won’t get it, or I know I want it), I get it for myself.
Oh that’s a bit mean that you have to pay to order them. I actually love having books around but with two book lovers and limited space we’ve had to curtail it all. And there are definitely some you want to keep and others that are easy to pass along.
Luckily me & my partner have similar taste. So that helps.
This is super relatable, Patricia—as seen in the other comments, too! I second what Linn said: whenever I think I want to read a book, I reserve it at the library first. I've been doing this since the shopping ban (so 9-10 years ago now) and, after this long, the most interesting lesson I've learned is: most of the time, I don't read most of what I borrow. This makes me grateful to have access to a library, and even more grateful that I didn't spend money on something I didn't read/finish.
Hi Cait,
Over the years I've tried to follow these guidelines:
Shop “needs” before “wants”
Give priority to Emergency Savings
Research / plan purchases
Don’t grocery shop when hungry
Use shopping lists
Food price tracking to know when sales occur
Price compare, price matching among stores
No impulse buying
Bulk buying only if timely consumed
Be aware of retail marketing tricks. More expensive at eye or end of shelf level
Before retirement – save wisely. After retirement – spend wisely
On reaching goals, frugally reward yourself because after all life is to enjoy.
I once read that wise people have rules for themselves... ☺️
And wiser people (like yourself) share their rules with their friends to help them consider all their options in life.
I've never really done a shopping ban/no-spending thing, but I do think I have had a tendency to under-buy items (specifically clothes) that I do need or will make life (or an activity) more comfortable in a very functional way.
I also always unsubscribe to any clothing emails when I do re-order an item.
So very relatable, Rachel. Is there anything specific you can think of right now that would make your life/an activity better?
Oh good question.. It's maybe not quite warm enough yet, but I do think I've been wanting a warm but not winter coat/jacket. And now might be the time to look for one so that I have it when it is that weird in-between day weather wise.
This is very fascinating to me. I am a low-income earner so I don't shop often. Mainly at Christmas with the gift cards I ask for each year so I can buy new clothes for myself. But I've noticed since buying new things for myself is rare, I do buy those things I can like jewelry. But just this week, I decided I'm going to wear the new clothes I've bought for myself as well as jewelry I've bought for myself. These past 10+ years since my divorce has been a big purge. I need to purge more now that I have a one bedroom apartment. I had a house in my married years and have had two bedroom apartments since. I truly never had time to purge with journalism jobs. My mom made fun of my minimalism last week. I said it is out of necessity but now it's become a habit for me. It spills into every area of my life. But I do like makeup. Who knew?! I'm a very simple girl. I like my $5 jewelry. I do like buying myself clothes. I've been wearing the same black skirt six days out of the week and decided this week, I'm tired of it! So this is a bunch of randomness but this is why I follow you. You make me stop and think why I do things. It is very difficult for me to allow myself to buy things with my income. There is also how can I make this money stretch when Christmas, tax refund, and bonuses come, so I do feel I have become very intentional out of necessity. Thanks for the hard work you do and letting us be a part of the journey!
And thank you for sharing everything this letter brought up for you, Heidi! I hope you enjoy wearing your new clothes, your jewelry, and makeup too! (I'm on a bit of a journey with that myself, as there's an 11-year-old in my life who is *very* interested in it. She's making makeup feel fun for maybe the first time in my life!?)
Awww, your replies back every single time make me feel heard! You never make me feel stupid for commenting on here. Thanks for that!
I'm so glad that's how you feel here, Heidi. Anything you want to share is welcomed ☺️
I’ve always had a hard time spending money because my parents weren’t “good” with money. Having our power turned off and things like that were a cautionary tale for me, so I’ve saved and restricted as a way of managing my anxiety. I also had issues around deserving things, to the point where I would often cry after birthdays or holidays if I felt like my gifts were more than my family could afford. As I’ve gotten older, especially through the pandemic, I’ve been trying to reframe spending. On one end, I now understand that spending is an important part of the economy; it’s a way to support people’s passions and local community. On the other end, I’m also seeing how oftentimes purchases, even when they’re technically just things, relate back to experiences. Like you, I’m realizing that being more comfortable and prepared for different experiences is actually really valuable to me. I’ve also noticed as I look around my house (and closet) that I would often buy the cheapest version of something, use it all the time…and kind of hate it. Now if there’s something slightly more expensive but I know it’ll last for years or be used often, I’m more likely to spring for quality or something that brings joy. I’ve found it helps me to set a budget when shopping for “non-essentials” with the goal of actually spending all of it.
Gosh, I could have written this about what I deserve and having a hard time accepting gifts in general. As an older person, I am realizing how I don't value my worth in my relationship/marriage either. I feel awkward asking about our finances. OURS! Like I don't even deserve to know that.
Maybe reframing it would help. Instead of seeing it as a privilege, you could see it as a responsibility or contribution to the relationship.
"I’m realizing that being more comfortable and prepared for different experiences is actually really valuable to me." I'm super grateful you shared this reframe, Ash. Truly. I *would* find value in being more comfortable and prepared... and two items immediately came to mind as things I would then like to shop for soon. Thank you.
Good morning, Cait, I'm very interested in your new 4 Week Class but I'm not sure I fully understand what we will be doing? Can you provide more detail? I'm Canadian and have to deal with the realities of the Canadian financial system- will the course be applicable? Thank you. PS your post on money and extending beyond money to all that lies around and under, and beyond it was excellent. It gave me such 'food for thought'. Thank you.
Ohhhh goodness, ok well first, your comment helped me realize I included the wrong link above! The first link took you directly to the registration page. But here's the sales page with more info, FAQ, etc. I will just add that it's not a class (and is certainly not targeted to how money works in any particular country), but is a series of journalling sessions. So if you'd like to spend some time answering new prompts in your journal, quietly alongside others, we'd love for you to join us: https://www.caitflanders.com/explore-money ☺️